Pollyism of the week

Strange question alert! Here goes: Do you just assume everyone kind of likes you? It’s not ego or overconfidence, I just generally like most people I meet. Or at least like them until they give me a reason through a face-to-face meeting where things go super weird to not like them. I like to give people the benefit of the doubt and assume we will be friends. Pretty naïve, huh?

Recently I have been made aware of a certain group of people who really don’t like me.

Wait. What? But I’m big softie Polly. I want to help everyone I meet and cry inappropriately when folks tell me their hard-luck stories. I’m just a goofball.

Why in life do some people choose to take an instant dislike to us? Mum sometimes tells me of women in her village who don’t like her, and my answer to her is always: “Mum, look at their sour faces. It’s not you. They don’t like anyone!”

Mum agrees, and then several weeks later she’ll mention it again and wonder what she’s done to offend Martha or Eunice or Marion. I repeat, “It’s not you Mum. They hate everyone!”

Recently, two separate tribes of women have decided I am perhaps the devil, the wicked witch of the west, or the red witch from GameofThrones.

We’ve never had a conversation, but if we did I’d probably just ask them what I’ve done to deserve the seething resentment.

I should probably not care and take my own advice. In thinking about all of this I realise the greeting card industry is sorely lacking a whole section – the “awkward questions” section. I think a section like that would be brilliant, but then I am a bit of a weirdo.

What do you think of these greeting card ideas?

Hey you! What’ s your problem? I hear you hate my guts. Wan na get a coffee?

Yes, it’s true I’m dating your brother, but I promise I am not a serial killer!

You look at me funny whenever I see you at the supermarket. Is it me or is that your resting b **** face?

You seem to send me mean messages late at night. Should you put down the wine and move back from the keyboard?

This is going to annoy you, but although you hate me now, I guarantee you’ ll learn to tolerate me.

Please stop talking about me behind my back. I’m available for appointments.

I hear you think I’ m weird. I am, but it’ s a weird you can learn to love!

I think you’ve been dating my ex. Don’t hate me. I didn’t break him, I got him like that!

Happy birthday. I’ d give you a present, but I know you’ d throw it in the fire!

Look, I know you think I’m a dick, but it’s just a mask. I’m actually like Mother Teresa.

Please like me. Nine out of 10 dentistsdo!