Tami Neilson, 43

Musician

At the beginning of 2019, I hit a wall with touring. I’d lost my joy. I’ve been touring since I was little with my family band, so to go into one not excited, but instead dreading it, was a new sensation for me. I did 20 shows in 22 days, lost my voice and it was just a really crazy tour in Europe.

I got home for summer and my husband Grant and I went away for a weekend and actually had an uninterrupted conversation, which was a miracle and a source of joy in itself. I felt I needed to reassess my life, so I dropped off the treadmill of being a musician for a few months and took stock.

I looked at the way I was touring and creating music, and realised I was following a template that most musicians do, but they’re young, single and predominantly male. I’m none of those things, so why had I been following that template? Instead, we made a template that suited me at this season in my life. I want to be around my boys Charlie [eight] and Sam [five] as much as possible while still maintaining a music career, pursuing my purpose and maintaining my joy. I had to make some practical but hard decisions.

Instead of flying my whole band overseas, I now tour with my brother Jay and a drummer, who both join me from Canada. That took a lot of pressure off the crippling financial commitment of flying five people internationally, feeding and housing them.

I noticed such a difference when my brother was on the road with me. Just having that part of my village on tour made a huge difference to my mental health.

I know I’ve got my joy back for this place and time. There are all seasons in your life, but for this season, it’s working.