Amaka Ndoma-egba: The passing of a sister and friend

Her smile remains ever by my side and her girlish laughter continues to invade my private moments. Have you eaten? She would ask for the umpteenth time, fussy as ever over her friends and family, her gorgeous presence filling the room.

I had returned from a short trip to Akwanga where I was joined by Executives of Inclusive friends’ association and the social inclusion officer for Save the Children UK to facilitate a workshop on reporting people with disabilities. I was in very high spirits as the workshop had gone very well and fifteen journalists from different media organisations had participated. All good stuff. Nothing prepared me for what happened next. I had refreshed and had lunch. I thought that it was weird for my husband’s bestie, Uncle Joe Oru to be in our home in the afternoon, the visit between both friends often took place in the evenings. Well, it was not so unusual but it happened rarely. He had been lying on the couch.

Minutes after my lunch, he sat up and my husband uttered the unimaginable. You know he said, grappling for words. “Amaka is no longer with us.”

In times of grief and disbelief, you travel elsewhere in order to be absent. I first of all asked in complete confusion. Which Amaka, who is Amaka? As a matter of fact, I asked all these questions honestly because my brain had refused to process that information. The clarity took time to get to me. I probably knew about three Amakas in familiarity and only one was close. The others I may not have spoken to in two or so years. It certainly was not anyone I knew they were talking about. Who is Amaka? I asked again throwing off the jaunty headgear on my head. It was all too much to bear. I could not wrap the information around my head. Both men stood supervisory over me calling out “Take it easy”. The tears came freely. It had to be Amaka Ndoma- Egba, wife of my brother, Senate leader and senior advocate of Nigeria, “Distinguished” as we often refer to him, Victor Ndoma-egba. His cousin Joe Oru was sitting in my house. It had to be Amaka Ndoma-egba. I could not find the words. I could ask no questions. I sat frozen in my chair as I tried to make sense of it all.

I had met Amaka when my sister, Helen Oru brought her to visit with us when I was living in Lagos many years ago. This is Victor’s wife, Helen told me. He had chosen well. It was love at first sight. She was charming, friendly and warm and almost larger than life. Her eyes were bright and sparkly and she was easy to chat with. She was gorgeous and had an easy way about her and a girlish giggle.

You did not have to know her. Once you knew her husband that was enough. Amaka would welcome you with a flourish and try to feed you fat. Her home welcomed everyone and as a politician’s wife, she was the epitome of hospitality.

As I sat at one of the masses in her honour in her home, I heard testimonies that rang through. Her generosity to all and sundry. Her innate ability to make you a better person, encourage you to reach for the skies. Her warmth, friendship and loyalty. A friend sitting beside me at her home as we paid our daily condolences said you are not even talking. I was speechless indeed for a couple of days.

How does one utter the word “death” around Amaka? She was so full of life. We grit our teeth as we hear the horror of the accident that took her life and that of several of her friends including Nnenna Ukachukwu another friend of mine. Dark grisly tales about the state of Nigerian roads. Benin-ore road. 9pm. Sad that we continue to lose lives in such tragic circumstances.

But we know where those who serve the lord go and though we mourn we remember her legacy, her warmth and generosity, her friendship and her loyalty, her smile and her girlish laughter. We thank God for her life.

Amaka served God with all her heart and all her might and it showed in her relationship with men and women and her charity to all of humanity.

As I watched Senator Ndoma-egba receive friends and family who came to pay condolence, I felt a sharp pain in my chest. He was never alone. Amaka was always there. But God has spoken and we mortals cannot question his decision. May God comfort the entire family and give them the fortitude to bear this painful loss. Amen. We pray for her lovely children for she was also a good mother. May God have mercy on her soul and grant her eternal rest… Amen.

My chest feels like a ton of ice has been placed on it. I am told this is shock.

May we never travel when the road is thirsty. Amen. Good roads and good drivers we need so badly. With good roads, drivers can be careless. We also need good working cars as a lot of accidents are caused by a combination of faulty cars, bad roads and careless drivers.

Amaka has touched God’s rainbow. It’s the way of all mortals. May the souls of all the faithful departed rest in peace. Amen.

‘ As I watched Senator Ndoma-Egba receive friends and family who came to pay condolence, I felt a sharp pain in my chest. He was never alone. Amaka was always there. But God has spoken and we mortals cannot question his decision