LifeXtra: Should your partner go through your phone?
Some people are of the opinion that privacy has a part to play in a relationship, though it has its limits, while others see no reason to hide anything from their partners. However, the gravity of going through a partner’s phone is such that it could make or break a relationship. Why do some people feel indifferent about this issue while others are very strict with the ‘no looking through my phone’ rule? Lifextra sought the opinion of Nigerians on this very sensitive issue.
Daniel Izuagie, a businessman, shares his opinion. “To me it’s no big deal. I obviously have nothing to hide from her. Although I do not go through her phone because I trust her, she is free to do same.” He also adds that if there is need for him to go through his wife’s phone, he definitely will, but not because he doesn’t trust her.
“I personally don’t see any reason to go through my partner’s phone and I think it shouldn’t be done at all. That is simply an invasion of privacy. As a married man though, if I refuse to let my wife have my phone, it will look like I have something to hide,” Paul Shaibu, a journalist, shares.
Elizabeth Ogah, a student, is of the opinion that phones should be assessed by both partners. She says, “I’m currently single, but this will not be a problem when I eventually get into a relationship. My spouse has every right to go through my phone. After all, what’s mine is his too.”
Mr. Tunde Adeyi, an environmental analyst, opined that although scrutiny is allowed, boundaries should also be set. “I would prefer a situation where my partner and I can comfortably scrutinize each other and still grant privacy where deemed fit. She can go through my things -phone inclusive, with no objections knowing fully well she’s got a pure motive. Her trust for me should be enough to make her respect anything private, and where there’s a questionable eventuality, she would consequently ask for clarity on any suspicion that comes to mind” he said.
Mrs. Nana Isa, a fashion designer, says “I’d say it depends on what he/she wants from the other person’s phone. One may choose to see video clips, My husband is fond of blackmailing and threatening to leave me with the children one day. He threatens to leave the marriage at the slightest provocation. Recently, I did something I myself never thought I would have done in a thousand years. On that particular day, he check for a family member’s contact, search for a game or some other things that have nothing to do with the other’s privacy. If it’s for the above reasons, I see nothing wrong. Any ulterior motive would be disregarded. That’s where trust should come in.”
The opinion of Joseph Ahmed, an Abuja-based civil servant, seems to differ. Joseph feels that “For the sake of security, one would love to do everything including monitoring the partner’s phone to know if there is an intruder. In this case, one must understand that the act is for security reasons; to keep away intruders from the relationship.”
Many believe that threat is the best way to blackmail or coarse someone to give into whatever they may want from them. But in actual fact, has threat ever helped resolve any problem? How effective are threats and if they are at all, when is it appropriate?
started with his threats and I couldn’t take it anymore as I had to stand up to him and tell him he could leave if he wanted to. My question is: why would a partner use threat as a weapon in a relationship?” Mrs Amos narrated. Maryam Abdullahi, 42-yearold lawyer, says “I’m happy she stood up to him to let him know that she was done with him threatening her. Now, he knows he can’t threaten her anymore with his continuous nagging about wanting to leave the house. Most marriages have their fair share of threats but when it becomes a routine it could be tormenting. In most marriages these days, there is a prevalent attitude of one partner always trying to impose things on the other and when it is rejected, the next thing is the issuance of threats. Threats in marriage never take anyone anywhere.”
Fatima Momoh, 37-year-old biochemist, says “I have come to realize in life that anyone who issues threats is the weaker person. If you need to do something just go ahead and do it rather than issuing threats all the time. Giving threats in a marriage can be dangerous as there is a limit to which a partner can tolerate threats. This could, in the long run, force the relationship to end.”
Mercy Akpan, 38-year-old pharmacist, says, “It’s a good thing that she stood her ground against his frequent threats. Meanwhile, giving frequent treats signifies that the person doesn’t really mean what he/she is threatening to do. Threats do a lot of damage to the level of trust and understanding in a relationship.”
Hajiya Amina Isah, 40-year-old PR consultant, says “Many people don’t understand that threats are a form of emotional and mental abuse, are horrible to give and receive and are unfair and quite painful for all involved. Moreover, making endless threats do not mean if whatever you are threating about happens again, you won’t tolerate it.”
Hajiya Amina concludes that “winning a marital war with threats makes your partner resentful and feels unloved. Threats are unfair when they make your partner compromise their own values to accommodate yours. When threats like, ‘if you don’t do this, I’ll leave’, ‘you have to choose between this and that’, ‘I won’t sleep in the room except so and so happens’, are frequently used in a relationship then it’s an invitation for disaster for the relationship.”