19 FEATURE
rights and justice. We are yet to take a stand as to what will work effectively for us.”
Society has fashioned marriage in such a way that what goes on within isn’t for public consumption. And how society reacts when people open up on the goings-on, dealing out ostracism and stigma makes it certain that people go back to their marriage and “continue to endure the situation,” says clinical psychologist Samuel Adekunle.
Maureen Adejo endured abuse in her five-year-long marriage to Olaoluwa. She is reported to have suffered torture, being whipped with a belt and cut with a machete, according to statements by the couple’s fiveyear-old son.
He told newspapers how his father forced rat poison down his mother’s throat.
“For it to get to the point of murdering their spouse, apparently they must have been enduring abuse in the relationship, whether male or female, that gets to the point where they cannot tolerate it anymore. The likelihood is for one to end it all.
“Initially we used to see cases of suicide from spouses that are abused, but now they tend to attack the perpetrator. In doing that, they hope to get a respite from what they are passing through.
A separation doesn’t come easy when a woman’s livelihood and identity are tied to her spouse’s.
“If you stay away for a while how do you sustain a living, sustain an identity, manage the perceptions society will throw at you. That option becomes very difficult to take.
Outright divorce, according to people who have gone through it, is only easier when a woman has some independence already.
“You get to fill a form and on marital status, you fill divorce, the way you are looked at, the op being offered is approved different from other people. There is a whole lot of stigma surrounding people who are divorced.
So a separation isn’t easy, divorce comes with stigma, and murder comes with jail time. Why take the chances. Something happens in the brain when it comes to that now-or-never, do-or-die moment.
“Someone who gets to that point of taking that step must have felt all other options will not lead to resolving that issue. It can be rage. Someone provoked, by the time they lose it, the person is difficult to calm down. It can lead to actions they take and afterwards regret.
In rage, the forebrain which controls logical thinking is suspended. Activities there slow down, and blood supply rushes to the part of the brain responsible for fight-orflight response.
It is survival. “You attack or you flee,” says Adekunle.
“Attacking that source of danger could be you taking something to harm the person or escaping. There are several things that can go in. that’s what research shows of the brain during rage.”