Giving others the benefit of doubts
We would all live happier with ourselves and with others once we truly believe in giving everyone else the benefit of the doubts. The world would, thus, be a happy place lacking acrimony, animosity, and all forms of ill-feelings. While Islam advises against reaching hasty judgements about others, it equally exhorts Muslims to always have sound opinion of others; holding them in the highest esteem. Unless an individual personally declares or admits his own words or actions to be negative, any attempt by others to interpret what someone said or did may not go beyond ordinary speculation or guesswork. Allah states in Qur’an 49:12 “O ye who believe! Avoid suspicion as much (as possible), for suspicion in some cases is a sin; and spy not on each other, nor speak ill of each other behind their backs …”
The science of logic affirms that conclusions drawn from suspicions are not always the best of judgements. Allah alone knows best the motives behind every human action. Allah affirms in Qur’an 53:28 “… They follow nothing but conjecture; and conjecture avails nothing against Truth.” Because speculative ill-feelings, more often than not, lead to falsehood and unfounded hatred, Islam abhors holding bad opinions of others. It is also for the sake of forestalling wrong conclusions derived from assumptions that Allah commands in Qur’an 49:6 “O ye who believe! If a wicked person comes to you with any news, ascertain the truth, lest ye harm people innocently …” Worst of all, it’s a sin each time a believer’s suspicion is proved wrong.
There’s no reason to take offence if the person you called on phone was unable to pick up your call. To hurriedly reach a conclusion that your phone calls were deliberately being snubbed without hearing out the one who missed your calls is uncalled-for. Without first listening to his explanations, it would be unfair to say your husband did not pick up your phone calls because he doesn’t love you; labelling him as a ‘useless man’. Without seeking clarifications, it would be wrong to say your wife did not pick up your phone calls because she’s rude and lacks respect for you.
Except where it becomes a habit, people as your bosses or subordinates, partners, siblings, friends, or colleagues, are likely to have genuine reasons to explain their missed phone calls. Let us make excuses for people; believing that the person who missed your phone call could be asleep; in the toilet; driving; staying far from the point where the phone had been put on charge; or in a noisy location (such as a marketplace) where some deafening sounds could have prevented him or her from hearing the phone’s ringing tone. The phone could also have been stolen and the thief would naturally not want to answer not just your calls but every in-coming call.
Similarly, let us exercise restraints in our interpretation of other people’s expressions. Sometimes, the understanding that comes to our mind may not necessarily be the meaning intended by the speaker especially when and where polysemous expressions (words with several meanings) are used. If your mind directs you to believe in something you least expected to hear from your husband or wife, son or daughter (especially when they have come of age), brother (full or half ), uncle or nephew, schoolmate, colleague or associate; maturity teaches that you counter your mind with either of two responses: that you did not hear the speaker well or the speaker did not mean what you heard. When we give others the benefit of doubts in this and other friendly ways, we would have saved our relationships with others from being severed. The bitterness that, today, characterizes relationships sometimes up to the level of sworn-enemies, would never have been if we created a little space in our hearts for giving others the benefit of doubts.
Today’s digital world where the challenge of fake news continues to trouble social media platforms is another justification for giving others the benefit of doubts. It was a position I sincerely cherished when my daughters-in-law told me the chief hostess of a recent wedding they attended in Abuja ordered, probably for fear of the intricacies of photoshops, that guests were not allowed to use their mobile handsets to take photographs.
To assume from the ordinary sight of the image(s) posted on someone’s social media status that the person is a thief or adulterer would be a weighty allegation. Of course, photographs speak even though without any tongues. Yet, they do not say everything we needed to hear or know. They could also say something that is not true of the object they reveal. There are more lies in suspicions, according to the Prophet (SAW), than told when we speak. Satan, the sneaking whisperer, is always working on our minds to surreptitiously commit us into evils.
In a hadith related by Abu Hurayrah (RA), the Prophet (SAW) said “Beware of suspicion for suspicion is the worse of false tales; and do not look for others’ faults and do not spy, and do not be jealous of one another, and do not desert (cut off your relationship with one another), and do not hate one another; O servants of Allah! Be brothers.” Where and when we find it difficult to make excuses for anyone when we hear or see something strange about them, we are advised to wish that the person has genuine reasons for doing what he or she did.
Let no one accuse another of adultery or fornication for simply seeing him or her with a strange fellow. The mother of the believers, Safiyyah (RA), daughter of Huyyai, said she once visited the Prophet (SAW) in the mosque when the latter was in seclusion (I’tikaf) during Ramadan. While seeing her off, two men from the Ansar of Madinah saw the Prophet (SAW) and quickened their pace. Allah’s Messenger (SAW) said to them, “Do not hurry! She’s Safiyyah (my wife), daughter of Huyyai. The two men said, “Glory be to Allah, O Messenger of Allah (You are far from being suspected)!” The Prophet (SAW) said, “Satan circulates inside of man as the blood in blood streams.” May Allah guide us against swift judgements in our assessment of others, amin.
In a hadith related by Abu Hurayrah (RA), the Prophet (SAW) said “Beware of suspicion for suspicion is the worse of false tales; and do not look for others’ faults and do not spy, and do not be jealous of one another, and do not desert (cut off your relationship with one another), and do not hate one another; O servants of Allah! Be brothers.” Where and when we find it difficult to make excuses for anyone when we hear or see something strange about them, we are advised to wish that the person has genuine reasons for doing what he or she did