When the cat performs ablution
Two usually dangerous trumpets sounded across Africa this week. Yoweri Kaguta Museveni, the man who has ruled fractured Uganda like his predecessors is eyeing a moonlight job as an opinion writer. In an article in the Ugandan newspaper New Vision, Museveni decries foreign intervention in African affairs. In Naija, the wizard of Ota broke military esprit de corps and penned the advanced version of his next book of lies, aggrandizement and deceit. This time around, the man who has squandered every opportunity to make a lasting capital of unique opportunities warns Muhammadu Buhari against an IMF lifeline.
These are popular positions to take, if they had come from men with modicums of integrity attached to their names. But when you look at the track records and antecedents of both men, you are practically reminded of one of the witty proverbs of late MKO Abiola. Abiola, a devout Muslim, which says that when the cat begins to perform ablution, it’s eyes are on an easy prey.
Museveni wants an African version of the Monroe principle of non-foreign ‘interference’ in the affairs of ‘independent’ African nations. He argues particularly that previous interference in far-away Iraq, Afghanistan and recently in Syria and Libya led to the humanitarian refugee catastrophe in Europe and America; helping ultra-right candidates to win elections. That’s a good sound bite albeit from incredible sources.
While calling Hillary Clinton ‘our friend’, Museveni lampoons pseudo-revolutionaries who look to foreign powers to actualize their dreams. He argues that genuine freedom fighters should conduct their liberation wars without foreign backing. I believe that the Ugandan rebel movement that put Museveni at the head of his nation and the army he commands today use Kampala-made weapons.
Like Obasanjo, Museveni scrupulously misquotes the Scriptures to buttress his arguments. It is unprofessional conduct for doctors to prescribe fake medication for the treatment of their patients. Museveni has been in power since 1986 with no plan to retire if you ask his quondam friend, Dr. Kizza Besigye. His unquestioned rulership was said to have inspired Obasanjo’s failed third term bid. He was said to have asked his lieutenants why they think he could not do in Naija, what Museveni is doing in Uganda.
At a time when dictatorial regimes in Africa are withdrawing from the Fatou Bensouda- led ICC, this is an ominous missive coated in interesting pathos. It is certain from the way Museveni has never lost elections, and his treatment of the opposition that he is afraid of his own shadows. The same sit-tight complex that led to Obote and Idi Amin’s overthrow is active in Museveni. Museveni knows that those who make peaceful transitions unachievable make violent overthrows attractive options. Museveni should use his panAfricanist logic on himself, but no, he is afraid of his own shadows. Without foreign pressures and supported by other senile sittight ruiners in the African Union, Museveni sees himself as life president.
If he gets his Monroe principle, it would not be to protect democracy and good governance in Africa; it would be to expand the sit-tight jungle now enveloping the continent. Museveni’s cat is performing ablution; the world should not allow him to pounce his prey. To be taken seriously, Museveni should preside over a peaceful transition and just maybe he would have the moral lectern to sermonise on the propriety or otherwise of the doctrine of foreign intervention.
As for the wizard of Ota who appears to see better out of government than inside it; there is no lesson to learn from him. With each passing opportunity, he continuously demystifies himself. On the scale of governance, he scores pretty low having used inducement as a weapon in his phantom war against corruption. An archetypal opportunist that he is, he is the perfect example of the typical Naija football fan that sits behind television sets to lecture the technical adviser on how best to raise a winning team. Put him on the field of play and they cannot score a penalty in an unmanned goalpost.
Naija is a forgiving country. If Obasanjo had left a good legacy, he would not need to be the critic of every government in power. With a terrible track record in misgovernance, he should be marooned in political purgatory where his voice should echo into emptiness. By throwing hallucinative punches at government, the legislature, and anything that catches his fancy, he seeks redemption and those who think that he is making sense are obliging him.
The failures of the likes of Museveni and Obasanjo are the reasons why Africa remains a basket case in the comity of nations. They have lost the moral right to sermonise on the rostrum of public discourse. Africa would do better without their selfrighteous moralizations. In the twilight of their lives, these people should spend time in penance in the hope that history would forgive their sins of commission and omission. If they have anything to say to governance, they should say it to their wives and children who remain natural captive audience - not to the rest of humanity.