A passion for development and writing

I DON’T REALLY HAVE MUCH MEMORIES OF PLAYING AROUND. IT WAS FUN, BUT I REALLY GREW UP AWAY FROM HOME THAT’S THE TRUTH. I DO REMEMBER THOUGH THAT BEING THE ELDEST, I WAS ALWAYS HELD RESPONSIBLE FOR THE WRONG DOINGS OF MY SIBLINGS, WHICH I DIDN’T LIKE

Toyin Adewale-Gabriel is the Policy and Advocacy Adviser for Family Health International (FHI360). She hails from Ekiti state. She was born in 1969 to the family of Chief C. D. Adewale Dosunbo and Mrs. Margret Anike Adewale. She is the first of seven children. She holds a degree in English Literature and a Masters in same, both from Obafemi Awolowo University, Ile-Ife. She is a poet and a writer of short fiction; some of her works include “Naked Testimonies” and “Flickering Candle lights”. In her interview, Toyin shares her experience growing up, motherhood, a career in the development sector and her passion for writing.

Introduction

My name is Toyin Adewale-Gabriel. I am from Ekiti State, while my husband is from Akwa Ibom. You know Nigerians will always like you to say you are from your husband’s place, but I stick to my Ekiti State because I know they will not make me a commissioner in Akwa Ibom State, they’ll say I’m their wife, but Ekiti State will say I’m their daughter. So, I’m proudly from Ekiti State. I am 48 years old. I am the first of seven siblings. My father is late Chief C. D. Adewale Dosunbo and my mother is Mrs. Margret Anike Adewale; she’s fine and well.

Educational background

I went to primary school in Lagos. Being the first of my father’s children, my father experimented with me a bit. He pulled me out of primary 4 when I was eight years old to sit for common entrance exam and I passed. He then let me go to boarding school at eight. I went to secondary at St Chris Grammar School Ikere Ekiti. I left at 13 and then I did lower-six, because my father said I was too young to go to the university.

At 14 I got admission into the Obafemi Awolowo University Ile-Ife to study English. I graduated at 18. I went for youth service after which I got a job as a copy writer with Benson and Martha Lagos, but I wanted to do my masters. Thank God I took that decision. God bless my father, I actually resigned from to go back to school to become his responsibility again. My father asked if that was what I really wanted to do and I said yes. So he supported me through masters. So I did both my first degree and my masters at Obafemi Awolowo University Ile-Ife. Back then it was called University of Ife.

Professional career

I’ve had a very interesting career. My first job was at an advertising company, I was a copy writer – those people who write advertisements. And back then as young writers we thought that was a natural career for us to pursue. I didn’t know about development work then, which I’m now doing. Then you just wanted a job that will keep you writing and you still needed to keep paying your bills. So I started off as a copy writer with Benson and Martha.

After my masters, I came back to Lagos and got a job with STB- McCann which is one of the biggest advertising agencies in Nigeria now. I left STB- McCann after a while and I moved to some other advertising agencies. Finally my last advertising job was at Mattlink.

While I was at Mattlink; even though it was a supportive environment, I began to feel fed up with writing copies for a living. I got fed up with writing ‘delicious’ for something I have never tasted; I felt I could do something else. But fortunately, in all this time I had been organizing young women writers like myself and so we had started what was then called The Women Writers of Nigeria.

I and a couple of friends like Nike Adesoye (of blessed memory), Kemi Olaiyetun and Funmi Adewole, had started mobilizing women like us for women writing. We got a couple of grants from the Heinrich Boll foundation to do what was the first compendium of Nigerian women’s writing. From there, I got a grant to go to Germany for six months to write.

When I came back I knew I didn’t want to be a copy writer anymore. So I started looking for opportunities in the development sector because, my work around the women writers of Nigeria made me discover a new passion for development work.

As God would have it, I got an opportunity to work with the Ford Foundation for West Africa where I was a Program Associate for Media, Art & Culture. I was at Ford Foundation for three years supporting different media, arts and culture organizations in Nigeria to secure grants and to run their grants successfully.

As I was leaving Ford, I was newly married; three months pregnant and so looking for a job wasn’t an option because six months down the line you needed to go on leave. That was how for the next two years of my life I was working as an independent consultant. And just as my daughter was two years old, ready to start school, I came back into full-time employment with the Centre for Development and Population Activities, where I was a Program Officer for Public Affairs.

From there I went on to a project called the EU Prime Project which is an immunization project. I was their immunization officer for a couple of years before I then transited to the United Nations where I got my first job with the United Nations for Project Services and I stayed there for one year. From there I moved to the UNDP, where I was first of all the Communications Expert and at the tail end, the Media Expert working in the lead up to Nigeria’s successful 2015 elections.

When that project ended up, I strangely found my way to health communications where I had started out. So I’m now the Policy and Advocacy Adviser for the FHI360: Alive and Well Thrive Project, which is an infant and young child feeding project.

Passion for writing

I would say that writing discovered me. I remember I started writing when I was 13 years old. I just finished my WAEC exams and I was frustrated and tensed. So I just started to pour out those feelings. One night something just told me to put pen to paper this feeling of anxiety about my results. And that was how I began to write.

I remember my parents being very supportive at that time, because in my family we grew up around books. For my dad, you may not have enough clothes, but you definitely had more than enough books, so I was surrounded by books because my parents got us lot of books. In fact I read both my books and the books my parents bought for themselves. My father trusted his children so much; he would let me read adult books at eight. He’ll simply say “read but don’t practice”. You can imagine the kind of risk he took. Reading materials like books, newspapers, magazines were always around me and so from the beginning my parents were always encouraging me.

My dad made me organize my little writings. He made me put my manuscripts in files and label them. At that time I liked to work sitting on the floor and scattering papers all around and my father would teach me to organize my things. Studying English, I remember that there was a competition on campus where I met the late writer Sesun Ajayi who provided encouragement.

After my service year, a friend of mine took me to see the famous poet Odia Ofeimun who helped me to take my writing seriously. Until I met Odia, I didn’t know that you could actually describe yourself as a writer. Odia was so passionate about writing, about poetry, he was so encouraging. Then he was the General Secretary of ANA (Association of Nigerian Authors), he invited me to their conference in 1988, he challenged me to come and I met other writers who confirmed that all these things I had been writing was serious business.

Odia gave me a variety of books to read, from the Russian writers, Italian writers, writers that actually helped me to develop my vocabulary, my imagery and all that. Odia was a great source of encouragement and he was also a great mentor. There were always young writers around Odia arguing, reading and writing. So that kind of environment helped to mold me into the writer that I am.

I was also fortunate to have met a young man named Richard Mamman, who was investing his own money in publishing, and so he published my first book “Naked Testimonies”. In fact, I have never paid to publish any of my books; I’ve been really blessed in that area. I’ve also had the opportunities of writers’ residencies and several writers’ festivals all around the world. I have been to poetry festivals in Ghana, Senegal, Colombia, Germany, the United States and many others.

While I was writing in Germany, I met a German publisher who was interested in my book of short stories and published it in German for the very first time. And that led to some reading tours in Germany and in Austria. A couple of years down the line, I met a publisher in England who saw my book ‘Naked Testimonies” in German and wanted to publish it in English. These are some of the opportunities I’ve had around my writing.

Growing up

I would say I grew up in school because I went to boarding school so nearly at 8. I don’t really have much memories of playing around. It was fun, but I really grew up away from home that’s the truth. I do remember though that being the eldest, I was always held responsible for the wrong doings of my siblings, which I didn’t like.

For a long time I missed not having an elder sibling, I wanted somebody who could look out for me, share clothes with me, somebody who I could collect money from and all those other things elder siblings do for the younger ones. I had a lot of fun in the Catholic boarding school. Every second term, for instance each class would put up a play.

I remember when I was in form one, we did the Joseph and his brother’s play and we took the last position because we had to act as sheep, and we had to cover ourselves in a blue blankets, so you can imagine a blue sheep. We also had the harvest festivals where every house would cook; we’d make fried fish, rice and other delicacies. We would sell them during the bazaars to see which house would make the most money.

I also remember the inter-house sports. And of course there were boy issues, we were an all-girls school, and close to us was an all-boys school, so on Sundays we would go to the boy’s school for mass. During mass papers were always flying - love letters. Secondary school was fun, growing up was fun.

Challenges

Looking back, some aspects of my life didn’t quite turn out the way I planned. I have gone through challenges that were very difficult and at those times I would pray so hard, yet it looked like God wasn’t answering. And I have made mistakes in giving my important things to people that did not value them and they would just cast them aside and trample on me.

In my personal life, sometimes I have trusted too easily; I have believed people too easily and I have paid the price for that. But then if you do not go through those experiences what are your lessons learned.

In my professional life, the type of job I have requires that I talk a lot, air my opinions and give suggestions, but character wise I’m very quiet, I like to keep to myself most times. In the sector where I work, if you do not talk you are considered stupid, therefore I had to force myself to become more outgoing and forthcoming.

Life’s lessons

One thing I have learned is to relax more. When I look back to the years when I was so tensed up, I carried things and people too seriously and be unnecessarily stressed out. I finally realized that this too shall pass. So I have learned that no matter the crisis, no matter how hard it is, it will end one day so relax! Just trust God.

Another lesson I’ve learned is to save more money. When I think of the amount of money I spent on taxis in Lagos, I think it’s enough to have bought a plot of land. Looking back, I think I should have taken the bus once in a while to save money for better things.

Finally, another lesson is to love smart. I’ve learned not to love and trust people based on their face value. I try to be a little more discerning about people. I’ve also learned to enjoy life. I do not wait for people to determine my happiness; I don’t wait for people to do things for me. Pamper yourself, take yourself out!

Aspirations while growing up

Growing up, I wanted to be a writer. Although before I wanted to be a writer I wanted to be an archeologist. I liked history so much; history was one of my best subjects, and I always got an A.

All those stories of Borno Empire, Queen Amina and the others fascinated me a lot. So I wanted to discover old civilizations, not until I got to the university and I met a real archeologist who told me it was dusty and dirty work. Of course my interest instantly changed. After that I wanted to be a writer, and thank God I’ve been able to achieve that.

Fond childhood memories

I think it would be playing around with my sisters; our brothers came much later in life, so playing around with my sisters, and we all sitting on one big bed and gisting is one memory that will linger . Now we do not have the opportunity for that because everybody is married with their families and sometimes we do not see each other in months. So I miss when we were all at home growing up together.

How I met my husband

It’s a very boring story. I met him in my father’s house. He had come with my brother-in-law to visit my father, and I was just returning from a trip to Sweden. I just came into the house and saw him sitting in the siting-room. I was wondering who he was. And the rest is history.

Attributes of his you appreciate most

His ability to be friendly. I’m quiet and he’s the opposite. He is really friendly and outgoing. He is always trying to fix other people’s lives and I keep telling him “can you just leave them to get on with their lives”? He can make friends with anybody, while I just like to mind my business sometimes.

Joys of motherhood

Number one is being able to share experiences with my children. Sharing life’s lessons with them, teaching them life values that my parents had handed over to me. Also, helping them have a holistic education. For instance, education is not just about academics, but it’s also about how to compose oneself in general.

Now I’m enjoying teaching my daughter how to dress and how to combine her colours and patterns, because she is a teenager. In fact my daughter and I are practically the same size, so I’m enjoying sharing shoes and perfumes too.

Most cherished gift

A dress that I got in 2000 from my boss at that time. My friend and I were in Egypt for a meeting, strolling in the market in Cairo when we ran into our boss. I just jokingly mentioned it to him that it was my birthday and he bought me the gown. It is a traditional beaded gown, very intricate embroidery. I bring it out just once in a while and every time I wear it I get tons of compliments. I have had that gown for 17 years.

Fashion items I can’t do without

Perfume, wristwatch and earrings.

Best travel destination

I would say Ghana because it’s great for fabric shopping. All the best shops are there. As a matter of fact, they have great fabrics in Ghana - their own fabrics. Their local selection of fabric is excellent, they have the kente, adrika and all kinds of local fabrics.

In addition to that, many of the big fabric manufacturing companies in Nigeria all have shops in Ghana. You have great fabrics at good prices. And above all they are customer friendly. Ghana is an easy place to navigate.

How I relax

I like to watch movies; I take myself to the movies sometimes. I also like to read a lot and of course I sleep. Sometimes all you just need is some sleep.

Last book you read

The last book I read was “Season of Crimson Blossoms” by Abubakar Adamu Ibrahim. I had been hearing about the book but didn’t get the chance to read it. I finally got to read the book and I was impressed. I actually dreamt after reading that book, that’s the level of impact it had on me. I was impressed by his courage, the ability of this man to actually enter a woman’s head and explain how regret can lead to making more mistakes with tragic events. And also the book shows why it is important for a woman to be herself and not allow herself to be enwrapped in societal taboos.

It is simply the story of a woman who loved her child but couldn’t express that love because the society claims it would make the child weak. Eventually the child died and this led her to regret.

Favourite food and drink

Plantain and eggs. For drink, it’s malt and water.

Style

I like trousers and tops. They are so easy to wear, and you are ready for anything.

Favourite fashion designer

I use my local tailors, so I cannot talk about fashion designers. I use my tailors in Abuja and Lagos.

Favourite perfume, shoes and bags

My favourite perfume is Womanity by Taire Moglar, I also like any perfume that smells green like Elizabeth Aden’s Green Water. I actually experiment a lot with my fragrances. For shoes, I do not have any particular favorite designer; I just tend to wear good leather. Good leather shoes and bags would be fine for me.

Mother’s advice that stuck

It’s really more of my dad’s advice, because I saw more of my dad than my mum. Anyways, one thing I remember my mother always saying was a prayer, “You’ll never labour for others to eat”. But I’ll say that my dad was the first person to always tell me that what a man can do, a woman can do better. And that has always been my approach to life.

Advice for the younger generation

First of all be yourself. Work hard but do not try to impress anybody. Take responsibility for your own happiness, and finally trust God. Sometimes you make plans, but if God does not approve those plans they can unravel in a minute, so trust God.

Favourite sport, car, colour and weather

I’m not a sporting person, but in terms of what I like and don’t, I’ll say gymnastics. I like gymnastics because of the amount of artistry and effort needed. For cars I like the Toyota jeeps, I feel they are made for the Nigerian road. It’s not just about having a luxurious car, but you have to be maintenance conscious. I also do not like cars that draw attention, I like compact cars. I like the colour wine. My favourite weather is that time in between the rainy and dry season, when the rains have just started but not in full.

Favourite day of the week

I love Friday because I close work early. It gives me an early start to the weekend, I’m able to go shopping and run some errands before the weekend begins in full.

Beauty routine

I try to cleanse my face; I try to do facial scrub once a week. I’ve been advised to start using a moisturizer on my face, so I just got myself a moisturizer. I’m just blessed with good skin.

What I would tell a younger me

Take it easy! I’d say value yourself, take care of yourself and finally stick close to God

Most cherished fashion accessory

My wristwatches. I have a collection of wristwatches.

First and last app I check in the morning and before going to bed

Facebook.

Favourite music

Power flow by Monique

What I wouldn’t be caught wearing

Miniskirts

Secret to looking glam

For me it’s peace of mind. I also think sleep is one of the major things, because if you are not well rested at night, you wake up in the morning already looking so tired. And also God’s mercies. I also work around my body shape, I wear dresses that suit my figure.

Role models

I’ll say first of all Jesus Christ. When I read his word, it helps me to be better, it helps me to forgive. Secondly I would say my father. My father loved his children so much; he was a very handsome father. He had a lot of trust in us; he believed the best in us. He stood with us through our mistakes and he never said “I told you so”. Along the way, I’ve had strong women bosses who have practiced what they preached, women who have being working hard and mentoring.

I REMEMBER MY MOTHER ALWAYS SAYING WAS A PRAYER, “YOU’LL NEVER LABOUR FOR OTHERS TO EAT”. BUT I’LL SAY THAT MY DAD WAS THE FIRST PERSON TO ALWAYS TELL ME THAT WHAT A MAN CAN DO, A WOMAN CAN DO BETTER