Britain confirms end of Boko Haram war

Naija is winning the war against terror. Those who had doubted Sai Baba’s declaration of victory should show up at the Daura market square and ask for forgiveness or be lynched. You cannot dispute the declaration of a general on war, just because you have a Twitter handle and 100 followers. The pen may be mightier than the sword until you confront either an armed robber or a Naija soldier and live to tell the story.

This confirmation has nothing to do with the lame duck ultimatum given to our gallant soldiers to bring in Abubakar Shekau that has expired without substance. The problem with Naija people in the age of social media is that they cannot distinguish between seriousness and a joke. That is why the army needs that social media division. We are witnesses to pictorial evidence of our forces having killed at least seven Shekau’s in the eight years this senseless war has lasted. The only people who could ridicule Naija soldiers and get away with it are those who have fought against them in Liberia and Sierra Leone and lived to recount the ordeal.

The best authentication of the defeat of Boko Haram came during the week when the UK International Development Secretary, Ms. Priti Patel, announced that her government was slashing it’s aid to internally displaced persons. It means Naija has finally won the war because you don’t cut down on medication when the sore is still fresh. Patel, who onomatopoeically lives up to the sound of her first name; made the announcement after listening to the sonorous voices of crying children in a hospital in the Boko Haram capital, Haramistan. ‘We would be spending another £200 million on the humanitarian need here,’ she says, adding, ‘which is absolutely enormous’, concluding with scant mirth.

This year, the UKID budgeted £100 million but Ms. Patel thinks there’s not much to show for it on ground perhaps compared to Sai Baba’s recuperation since returning from his 100 dayunderstudy tour of the London health system. A £200 million aid over four years is a 50% cut from the current budget for anyone with an eight-digit calculator and basic arithmetic.

Foreigners might wonder why she, a foreigner made an assessment tour to Haramistan, while Sai Baba was flown home to a hero’s welcome in Daura where his celebrated abandonment of air-conditioned motorcade for a brisk walk to cheers and ululation made NTA headlines. We all know, that Sai Baba’s Air Force One, which hibernated for over 100 days on a Heathrow Airport tarmac would need to go for a C-check recalibration if it is to find the navigation route to Haramistan. Ms. Patel was able to find her way there because, trust Lord Lugard to have kept a large map of Maiduguri (as it was then called), at the London Museum or the Commonwealth Office.

Caveat emptor, Ms. Patel said she has ‘not seen enough activities from others,’ and that the Naija government needs to work more with the current partners on ground if its usual begging is to make Her Majesty’s government change it’s mind. So, there you have it guys - the royal attestation to the end of the Boko Haram insurgency. Of course, this is very unlikely to be the way that the headline runs on NTA. Not to worry, in newscasting much like life, optimists see the cup as half full while pessimists describe it as half empty.

So, there you have it guys - the royal attestation to the end of the Boko Haram insurgency. Of course, this is very unlikely to be the way that the headline runs on NTA

No need to second-guess Shekau’s next video. It is very difficult for givers to increase their measure of charity when the beggar lives large. Thank God the Americans have come to our rescue by selling us the needed equipment to ‘mop up the operation,’ to borrow a military terminology. This is the classical attestation to the wisdom of Yagba children who would often tell their quondam friends to ‘roll off your mat, and watch God lay a red carpet in its stead’. Apparently Ms. Patel did not seek the opinion of our long time friend, the Archbishop of Canterbury before making her announcement, things could have been different.

Since Dauda Kamoru called Naija a ‘fantastically corrupt nation’, I have lost faith in anything but Brutish coming from the UK government to Naija. But as a Chevening scholar, it is heartening to note Chevening awardees making their way to various professional leadership courses this fall in the UK. Yes, Ms. May may not like what she sees in the current Naija leadership, but her hope in the people, especially young professionals with leadership potentials is unshakeable. Chevening scholarship means that someday soon, when they have the muscle to provide the required leadership, they would change the way things are done here.