A Daura party

My dearest Buhari,

My love for you floods my heart especially in this week of floods everywhere, from the US to India to Niger Republic to our own Makurdi. The flood of love has invaded my heart and body and soul. It has killed any doubts about your capacity to lead. It has swept away any criticism I have. Just like the floods in Makurdi, I was not prepared for this, but I have accepted it as the will of the almighty.

I have heard some people saying that instead of going to Daura to laugh and play with your kinsmen and some Corp members, you should have gone to Makurdi. What do they want you to do there? Did they not read your tweets? Afterall even the president of the US deals with things via Twitter now. You have tweeted about having a heavy heart and having directed NEMA to go fix things. What else do they want from you? Do you own a suction pipe or water pump? Are you the god of rain? Did they give you 97% vote? Also, do they not want you to go to your hometown to see your cows and extended family?

Darling, I heard the Supreme Court of Kenya annulled the Kenyan presidential elections and ordered a new poll in 60 days. Can you explain this to me? Is it not his court? I mean, I know that your own courts have asked you to do things before and you just put cotton buds in your ears (not because you were trying to block them out but because you really needed to clean your ears at the time and you were also battling an ear infection remember?).