Forgiveness in the Christian life (2)

Rev. Fr. Emmanuel Ojeifo

The basic reasoning of the petition on forgiveness in the Lord’s Prayer is that the answer to our prayer depends on forgiveness. Our petition to God will not be heard unless we have first met the requirement of forgiveness. This petition is anchored on the recognition of our human wretchedness and our need for God’s mercy. When we request for forgiveness in the Lord’s Prayer, we are invariably saying: “forgive us our debts in the same manner and to the same extent with which we forgive those who are in debt to us.” It could also be read this way: “forgive us our debts so that we too can forgive our debtors.” God’s forgiveness creates the capacity for forgiveness among us; and the forgiveness that we offer to others makes way for God’s forgiveness. For Jesus, being reconciled with our brothers and sisters is more important than the gifts we have to offer to God. God does not accept gifts from people whose hearts are hardened and unforgiving. We cannot come into God’s presence while holding our brother or sister in mind. Those who desire to have mercy with God must show mercy to others.

This simply means that no limits should be placed on forgiveness. Forgiveness ceases to be forgiveness when we can count the number of times that we forgive others. If that really becomes the case with us, how do we expect God to look at us, he who forgives us unconditionally without counting the number of times? In his spiritual meditations, Friends of God, St Jose Maria Escriva exhorts: “Far be it from us, therefore, to remember who has offended us, or the humiliations we have endured - no matter how unjust, how uncivil or unmannerly they may have been - because it would not be right for a son/ daughter of God to be preparing and keeping some kind of dossier from which to read off a list of grievances.”

When we feel the touch of God’s mercy in this regard, it becomes easy to know how to proceed in offering this mercy to others. In his 2016 book, The Name of God is Mercy, Pope Francis says: “The more conscious we are of our wretchedness and our sins, the more we experience the love and infinite mercy of God among us, and the more capable we are of looking upon the many ‘wounded’ we meet along the way with acceptance and mercy. So we must avoid the attitude of someone who judges and condemns from the lofty heights of his own certainty, looking for the splinter in his brother’s eye while remaining unaware of the beam in his own.”

There are two spiritual works of mercy which relate directly to the human capacity for forgiveness. They are: (i) bearing wrongs patiently; and (ii) forgiving wrongs willingly. In a world governed by the logic of “might is right” and by the law of revenge, bearing wrongs patiently is made to appear as a sign of weakness. Yet, it is precisely in this regard that the spiritual work of mercy operates, not from a human standpoint, but from a divine standpoint. In the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus teaches us the precept of love for our enemies and those who offend us. He raises the Old Testament prescription of “eye for eye, tooth for tooth, hand for hand, foot for foot” (Deut. 19:21), what is called lex talionis to a new ethical and spiritual perspective when he said: “You have heard that it was said: An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth. But I tell you this: do not oppose evil with evil; if someone slaps you on your right cheek, turn and offer the other” (Matt 5:38-39).

We might say: If someone slaps me and I turn the other cheek, it might seem like a license to the offender to continue to wrong me. Shouldn’t I let the offender know that I am not a weakling, and that I cannot fold my arms and watch him/her wrong me continuously? This appears reasonable from a human perspective. But we are not talking about how we human beings see things. We are talking about how God wants us to see things. Jesus calls us to aim for a higher spiritual ideal, a new ethic in which love is the most powerful weapon against evil. For a Christian, love of enemy is not a sign of weakness, but a sign of inner strength, which is capable of withstanding evil with the weapon of love. In bearing wrongs patiently, we are not asked to support evil by folding our arms and keeping quiet. Even Jesus when a servant of the high priest slapped him did not keep quiet. He confronted his offender with a benign question.

In his catechesis at the Wednesday General Audience of November 4, 2015, Pope Francis took up the issue of forgiveness within the context of the vocation and the mission of the family. He says that “the family is a great training ground for the mutual giving and forgiving without which no love can last for long. Without self-giving and seeking forgiveness love does not last, it does not endure.” The Pope offers a simple recipe for healing wounds and avoiding recriminations in the family: “It is this: do not let the day end without apologizing, without making peace between husband and wife, between parents and children, between brothers and sisters…between daughters and mothers-in-law. If we learn to apologize promptly and to give each other mutual forgiveness, the wounds heal, the marriage grows stronger, and the family becomes an increasingly stronger home, which withstands the shocks of our smaller or greater misdeeds.” The Pope is saying that the spirit of forgiveness must start and take root in the family. The family should be the proper setting where people learn to forgive and are forgiven. If this happens, then society grows into a loving place. If the spirit of forgiveness is lacking within the family, it makes the society a cruel, heartless and pitiless place.

A story is told about Corrie Ten Boom who grew up in Holland before World War II. Her family had a hiding place for Jews in their home, and one day they were discovered and were taken to Ravensbruck. Her sister and her father died there, but she was spared. Rather than nurse a grudge, Corrie spent the rest of her life preaching about God’s mercy and the importance of forgiveness. She liked to say that when we