Love in a time of fuel scarcity

Darling Buhari,

Iam sorry we missed each other in Paris. We were there on the same day recently but somehow I think you were very busy representing our family in Europe. I understand. Let us just try to keep the channels of communication open so that our love can grow stronger. In fact, I have a suggestion. I know some people have been mocking you about your campaign comments on fuel scarcity but that is just the devil using your enemies. I think we should have a fuel queue date. When I come to Abuja in a few days time, I want us to go to a filling station of your choice, and join a queue. We can use an unmarked car but the car should have curtains for privacy. All we need are a few trays, some nice cushions or puffs and two cup holders. Then we join the fuel queue at the very end of the queue and have a date until we can buy fuel. Depending on what station you choose we will have a lot of quality time together. We will be killing two birds with one stone: spending time together and showing Nigerians that even in times of fuel scarcity we can find happiness.

Maybe you should give a national broadcast to teach Nigerians how to deal with fuel scarcity. I have some cool suggestions and tips for your speech which should be titled Love In A Time Of Fuel Scarcity:

I think that the fuel scarcity will contribute to peace in homes this holiday season. Husbands will not need to be on the road for so long and will spend more quality time with their wives which will, in turn, lead to stronger families. And with stronger families, you have stronger communities.

The fuel scarcity will also reduce the time spent with mistresses. By the time a husband spends hours to buy fuel or buys very expensive fuel on the black market, he will be too stressed to go see his mistress. This is, in turn, will make the mistress feel undervalued and she might even break up with the man, leaving the original owner of the man to enjoy her husband in peace.

Fuel scarcity will reduce the pressure on our roads and the pollution in our environment. Especially during the festive season. This is something that should be appreciated by the environmentalists. I hope they give you an award after this.

Fuel scarcity helps reduce the violent activities that may happen during communal clashes. If you can’t pour fuel on a house or car it is harder to set that house or car ablaze. This is a great deterrent. Because you don’t expect a person who queued for hours to buy expensive fuel to waste it just because he is angry.

Because of the fuel scarcity, people will turn off their generators earlier to conserve fuel. This will lead to more people having a deeper, more sound sleep at night devoid of fumes from generators. There is nothing better than good sleep. Good sleep is linked to longer life, better health, better mental health and better general well being. The more you have good sleep, the longer you are likely to live. Instead of complaining people should learn to be grateful for the wonders of fuel scarcity.

Fuel scarcity also promotes good neighbourliness. That neighbour you do not talk to, by the time you are both stuck in a filling station for hours, you will be forced to have some conversation. Also, once your neighbour sees you driving or using your generator, even the one who hates your guts, he or she will ask you, ah, where did you get fuel from? And when you tell them, you will be their best friend even if it is only for a while. and people will ask this neighbour, who told you and the neighbour will say, oh it is so and so, he/she is a very nice person

You will not have to use any money to make people love you.

In this difficult end-year period we all need this fuel scarcity and I am glad that you have seen its value and not ended it and made it a thing of the past like you threatened during the campaigns in 2015.

Ps. Do you notice how Nigerians have stopped demanding that you speak to them so often? I think it works this your not talking so much to the people. People know now to just guess what you are thinking instead of complaining that you are not talking to them. Sometimes you don’t want to give a child too much liberty so that you don’t spoil them. You see other countries where their presidents have to do the annoying business of going on air sometimes three or more times a month to speak to the people. No one is paying you to give speeches. If they wanted someone who spoke all the time, they should have elected someone like Femi Fani Kayode or the tweeting Senator Ben Murray-Bruce.

Pps. My weekly reminder: Please think of the Shiite man who is still in prison, whose children and followers we massacred and buried in Kaduna. It is never too late to do the right thing. Release him, his wife and his people. I know you want to. Hugs.