Five books for parenting boys
Last week I wrote about how to parent girls. What it takes to raise a girl and worry about sexual predators and rape. This does not in anyway exclude boys because as we now all know boys are also victims of sexual abuse from schools to religious institutions and in families. There are evil people looking to destroy our little boys so one has to keep one’s eyes open. Some of the books from last week on rape, incest and sexual predators also apply to boys and I will play back at least one this week. But we also now turn our searchlight to the upbringing of boys. As a parent of both sexes and from learning from other parents, I know that bringing up boys is a different ball game from bringing up girls. Often times as the boy grows up, he has nasty clashes with his father leaving the mother playing in between. The father is constantly on the boys case trying too hard to make him a man and often becoming mean in his attempt. If the Mum steps in, the boy is called Mummy’s boy to the embarrassment of the boy, if the father tries too hard to make a man of him, the boy begins to rebel. What about friends, how to handle girls, the drug dealer down the road. Too strong a mother can negatively affect the boy, too strong a father can also negatively affect the boy. Parenting a boy requires balance, skill and management. Treat him like an adult and leader when the time comes and give him enough good sense to be kind, generous and treat women well as well as treat himself well. Here are five books to help you along.
1) Boys Adrift , the five factors driving the epidemic of unmotivated boys and underachieving young men by Leonard Sax MD PHD. This book is a Doctor’s plan help our sons fulfil their potentials. According to a Psychiatrist friend of mine, the nasty fights between fathers and sons are ingrained in the father’s psyche, how he was also treated by his father and he thinks it’s the best way to raise his son. We are in a different world so balance is required. There is also according to my psychiatrist friend, competition between the men in a home which can lead to clashes. Too much testosterone he says. Overall, the fathers must give their sons space and not judge them all the time. Teach them honour, kindness, integrity, how to find a good girl when the time comes. Don’t ever describe your son as a failure.
2) The Prophet written by the American Lebanese Artist in 1923. This is one of my favourite books for understanding and following up on the human condition. It is as profound today as it was in 1923. All parents must read this book and apply it to both parenting of boys and girls. Containing 26 poetic essays, it tells of Prophet Almustaffa who is leaving a foreign land to return home to Orphalese. Before he boards his ship he is surrounded by a multitude who ask him to talk to them about many issues surrounding humanity and life in general. This collection is on Love, evil and good, eating and drinking, joy, death, passion, children, giving and marriage among other things. Read it, share it with your teenage son. A deeply philosophical book on life. Very rewarding.
3) The Opposite of Spoiled, Raising Kids who are grounded, generous and smart about money by Ron Leiber. This is a book that teaches you how to get your boys to be generous as well as secrets to being money smart. It also shows you how to get them to save. It tells you when to say No to a money request, how much pocket money should be and when to say yes. A useful resource.
4) Masterminds and Wingmen, helping our boys to cope with school yard power, locker room tests, girlfriends and the new rules of boy world by Rosalind Wiseman. If you are struggling to connect with your son emotionally, this is the book for you to help you figure out why he is emotionally distant. It walks you through boy world and its unwritten rules.
5) Boys should be Boys by Meg Meeker. This book gives you seven secrets to raising healthy boys.