HOME The power of ‘giving’ in relationships
Many men seem to overlook the power of ‘giving’ in relationships. They consider it a safety precaution to shy away from it. Little do they know that giving has a way of making their partners feel accepted, loved, adored and cared for.
When you give to your partner or attend to her needs, she feels appreciated and gives you love in return. This lends credence to the saying, “When you show a woman 50 percent care, she will give you 100 percent love.”
When giving in relationship is discussed, money or material items top the list of items to be given however, it extends beyond that. Though it is important, but the ability to take care of a woman requires giving her more time, listening to her, respecting her opinion, appreciating her and giving her gifts she never asked for. By doing this, winning her over and gaining her trust would be easier.
Having a woman around your life does not connote winning her over or gaining her love. Every true relationship must share gifts though it is not enough criterion to getting true love. However to keep a woman, you must have financial involvement to provide for her needs so she may not be tempted by someone outside.
This reminds me of a case between two brothers and a sister in the church on who is the right man to marry the sister brought before the church’s pastor .
When Joy accepted the proposal of Michael in courtship, she was so happy and thought the issue of looking for a husband is settled. Little did she know that she would one day be summoned by her pastor to defend herself.
Joy and Michael belonged to the same group in their church and always get along as friends until Michael made his marital intention known to her. She accepted and they started courting.
Everything was moving on fine at least so they thought until this quiet and appealing brother, Frank came to join the group. He was always calm and presents his opinions in an adorable manner, and many people were able to warm up to him.
Frank, however, become interested in Joy, and began to go to her at any given opportunity to chat with her. When it was becoming regular, she called the attention of Michael to it, but he dismissed her fears and told her that Frank is nice and always friendly.
One day Frank gave her a wrist watch but she asked why and he said: “It is nothing just that I like you and the way you carry out your duties.” She accepted and told Michael who still discarded her fears. Subsequently more gifts kept coming from phones, necklace, money, and recharge cards.
Michael never saw what Frank was doing as a threat and never thought Joy deserved to be given anything without her asking despite his being financially buoyant. Their discussion was also affected because Michael was always discussing his business and not their relationship as it used to be at the beginning.
The last straw that broke the camel’s back was on Joys birthday, by 12a.m. She received three lovely birthday messages from Frank , a nice package followed suit and an invitation for an outing. Nothing came from Michael, not even a happy birthday wish.
Joy called Michael and reminded him that it is her birthday and he said he is sorry for not remembering, “but don’t worry there are more birthdays to come” he said. He never came by nor sent any gift. At this point Joy was beginning to ponder on the future of their relationship, juxtaposing what Frank who is a friend is doing and Michael who is supposed to be a fiancé.
Joy decided that things are not working fine between her and Michael and quit the relationship. Michael tried to talk her into staying in the relationship but she refused. At this point, Frank proposed marriage to her.
After giving it a thought, she accepted and that was the reason she was summoned before her pastor to defend herself. The question is, is she to blame for the failed relationship with Michael or not?
Many relationships would have been saved if most men understood the power of giving and attending to the needs of their partner.
For Mercy Agah, a civil servant, receiving a gift from your man makes you feel loved and appreciated, “It must not really be an expensive thing to make you happy. The fact that he remembers to give you something is what matters and that way you would be proud to tell your friends that my fiancé gave this to me,” she said.
“Most men are myopic and uncivilized and think that giving in courtship is a risk because most people in courtship may not end up marrying, so they would not want to give,” Eucharia Azubuike, a housewife said.
According to Helen Uzor, men no longer give in relationship if they are not sure you will marry them, “Some will say to you ‘how can I take care of you for another man to marry?’ These days, you find out that most young men would not give instead they will look for a means of collecting from you, that’s shameful,” she stressed.
Relationship counsellor, James Ojonugwa said every true relationship must give, share, and appreciate the act of giving. Giving has a way of weathering the storms in relationship and making your partner feel loved and cared for.
“Notwithstanding, the gift we share is not only money or items, your ability to forgive is a gift, your ability to encourage your partner is a gift, your ability to listen to her talk is a gift and your ability to invest your time with her is a gift too, the proof of love is the investment of time,” Ojonugwa added.
He said an African man should not believe that giving money to a woman could buy love, “because love does not develop in giving money, but how you relate and at what instances you give and your reason for giving is what matters.”