Mar­ry­ing a fe­male grad­u­ate?

Daily Trust - - HOME FRONT - By Habiba Sani Ab­dul­lahi 400-Level, Depart­ment of Mass Com­mu­ni­ca­tion, Bayero Univer­sity Kano.

Ask­ing one­self such ques­tions may be rhetor­i­cal, or so it seems. But it is much more than that. To­day, it is one of the most soul search­ing ques­tions in the heart of most young men. Women who have been through the univer­sity while sin­gle, es­pe­cially in Hausa land, are faced with such dif­fi­cul­ties when it comes to mar­riage.

Yet, the is­sue is a mat­ter of com­pat­i­bil­ity, time/de­vo­tion, care, money, con­trol, love, and faith be­tween spouses. There are so many per­spec­tives about mar­ry­ing a grad­u­ate. Some be­lieve that what causes ‘hus­band scarcity’ for grad­u­ate ladies is their at­ti­tude to­wards se­lect­ing the right man. Who then is the right man for a grad­u­ate lady?

Ev­ery woman needs a suc­cess­ful man as a life part­ner. An ed­u­cated woman needs a man who can un­der­stand her de­sire, feel­ings (likes and dis­likes), ide­o­log­i­cal belief as well as her per­son­al­ity. She also needs him to re­spect her, and vice versa. That is the right man with whom she can live to­gether and build a happy home.

To make that choice is a long process. It needs care­ful ob­ser­va­tion so as not to fail in choos­ing the life part­ner. Women are dis­crim­i­nated against by a group of the so­ci­ety if they go to the univer­sity. Nev­er­the­less, if a girl is a grad­u­ate, she is con­sid­ered suc­cess­ful, isn’t she? Then, what is the prob­lem?

Some men pre­fer to marry non-grad­u­ate for rea­sons that vary among men’s taste, in­clud­ing faith, cul­ture and life style. Some men want to be in charge of their homes which they feel would be dif­fi­cult with a grad­u­ate as a wife.

What­ever they tell the wife she is ex­pected to ac­cept un­con­di­tion­ally. They de­sire a sub­mis­sive wife who obeys or­ders. A grad­u­ate lady may ob­ject to such con­trol in her home.

Some may say they pre­fer to marry a younger non-grad­u­ate lady be­cause they are cheaper to main­tain eco­nom­i­cally. Some ar­gue that to have peace in your home, you don’t have to marry a grad­u­ate who will not even de­vote time to your chil­dren or your prop­erty.

Men should know that there are some ben­e­fits in mar­ry­ing a grad­u­ate. Nowa­days, peo­ple, es­pe­cially the mid­dle class, live a life that is shaped by mod­ern changes in so­ci­ety. For ex­am­ple, tech­nol­ogy and ma­chines in our homes and ul­tra mod­ern shop­ping malls in our cities af­fect our lives. We now live in elec­tronic homes with lots of gad­gets to help with chores and make life eas­ier.

The story of an il­lit­er­ate wife who tries to spray in­sec­ti­cide in her kitchen while us­ing a gas cooker is in­deed pitiable and painfully ridicu­lous. The re­sult is set­ting the whole house ablaze. This hap­pened be­cause she could not un­der­stand or care to read the cau­tion on the tin that reads: “it’s highly in­flammable”. Now, a grad­u­ate’s level of think­ing and un­der­stand­ing would, in most cases, be higher than that of the non-grad­u­ate be­cause of her high ed­u­ca­tional achieve­ment.

Hence, she can give her spouse good ad­vices even about his work. This is be­cause she is in a bet­ter po­si­tion to do so.

Apart from what Is­lam teaches, which a grad­u­ate can find eas­ier to grasp dur­ing mar­ried life, fe­male grad­u­ates have the so­cial skills needed to im­prove the fam­ily life in a way that is mod­ern, safer and most en­joy­able. They read them in books. If a girl com­bines the two — “Ideal Mus­lim Wife” (a book with Is­lamic per­spec­tive) and “The Ideal Wife” (which has western mod­ern per­spec­tive), she will be able to sep­a­rate the grain from the chaff: putting them in the right bas­ket, she would prob­a­bly make her hus­band feel like the luck­i­est man on earth.

There rea­sons are sev­eral good

why univer­sity ed­u­cated mar­ried.

Us­man As­salafee, a post­grad­u­ate stu­dent in the Depart­ment of Mass Com­mu­ni­ca­tion, Bayero Univer­sity Kano, summed it up. He said that fe­male grad­u­ates should be­have well while the male (grad­u­ates) should trust them.

Women should dis­re­gard the present eco­nomic sta­tus of a man and marry him so long as he has the po­ten­tials to se­cure a promis­ing fu­ture. Men should marry univer­sity girls be­cause they are bet­ter equipped, both re­li­giously and so­cially. She may even be calmer than the non­grad­u­ates. It all de­pends on her per­son­al­ity.

ladies should be

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