An APC for Dangiwa’s headaches

Apparently the state of things has rankled firespitting revolutionary Col Dangiwa Umar enough to write. That’s odd. We were getting used to his silence. We were thinking that he has subscribed to the notion that they that would not run for public office nor accept political appointments have lost their rights to rue the way things are done in Naija. And we were getting used to their golden silence as we constantly listen to the rabble-rousing elders who stoke incendiary/ ethnophobic violence rather than build bridges of understanding. This was the argument on the streets.

So, what does Colonel Umar have to say? That those holding public trust should recuse themselves from positions likely to embarrass them because of the notion of conflict of interest. Dangiwa must have been reading too much American fiction. Who takes their consciences into public office in Naija? Perhaps Dangiwa’s neighbours and close allies. There is a cloak at the entrance of public office that says to those who come in - hang your conscience here. In Naija, we go into politics and public office to safeguard our personal interests. Come to think of it, personal interests to the person who has them are national interests. Take personal interest out of Naija politics and what you have is absolutely not worth campaigning, abducting, killing and rigging elections for?

Maybe Dangiwa is unaware that if ex-governors drop out of the limelight, their illegitimately acquired property and inflated ego would diminish faster in value than the Naira and the empires (physical and financial) that they have built would crumble like a house built with sputum. Horrifying is the thought of the fair-weather loyal friends they have attracted like vulture to carrion dropping off like ripened mangoes in the wind. Again, this would be a threat to personal interest and therefore a clear and present danger to national interest. So, what do governors do? Well, they just make sure that they choose their own successors, someone very unlikely to take blackmail too far because they too are involved; then they plant themselves in the sinnate or somewhere lower (since there is nowhere higher after being governor than being president or a sinnator). Best way to guard secrets.

The so-called banana peel that slides many a sinnate leadership is nothing but reaction against kowtowing towards personal interests. Is Dangiwa suggesting that someone with no port experience be made the chair of the sinnate committee on ports? Sacrilege, its like taking APC for another man’s headache and our party won’t succumb to that. The chairmen of the committees mentioned in the unwarranted distraction by Dangiwa offered to use their vast experience in the committees they head to protect personal/national interest. Blame should go to Sai Baba for choosing people who are known to be uncompromising to head two agencies where the Naija economy has always haemorrhaged - the Customs and the Ports Authority.

Hameed Ali is legendarily approachable. Even his smiles are plastic just like the late Tunde Idiagbon. His gazes are more penetrating than x-ray machines. Imagine the impudence of refusing to release a containerload of rice imported by a sinnator? Who does Hameed Ali think he is protecting - national interest? If sinnators no longer import rice, who else should - Dangiwa Umar or Balarabe Musa? Dangiwa Umar should tell us if Hameed Ali’s fortunes have changed since he became CG Customs. Has he opened an overseas account or abandoned his dilapidated car? Now he is attempting to computerize the ports - without electricity.

Anyone who knows the late Yusufu Bala Usman knows that the apple does not fall far from the tree. That kind of lineage is not good for the typical Naija politics. It is said that she has the Jega kind of stoic calmness that cures Orubebitis. She is also naturally beautiful and married, which is a shame since nobody get’s close too close to her without the fear of being accused of sexual harassment? It is widely said that money doesn’t seem to sway her, just like her late father. I don’t know if Dangiwa has been deracinated. If he is still firmly rooted, he would remember that in Arewa, you do not appoint a young woman to head a big organisation that employs real men. Instead of blaming the sinnate arrangement of putting square pegs in round holes, Dangiwa should blame Buhari. More astute presidents appoint people who would guarantee their second elections into positions where money can trickle down to the looting clan. Ask thief Bode George or Mr. Fix-It who have occupied such strategic positions in the past without a spat with the sinnate.

If Buhari pretends to be fighting corruption, forgetting that money and influence are the bread and butter of politics, the current sinnate leadership cannot afford such luxury. They have political ambitions, more elections to win and are conscious of the need to make pecuniary alliances and strategic political alignments. It is expedient to build nest chests for their future ambitions. Dangiwa should take my APC for his headache - keep off or come aboard.