Issues over family planning in some homes

Some years ago, an elderly and respectable man summoned me to his house. A friend of mine was married to his daughter. When I arrived he requested that I should see his son in-law. Barely 4 years after marriage, his daughter was sent back home by the husband on the grounds that she was pregnant against his wish! The father was of the opinion that the issue could be better resolved amicably if the husband’s friends are engaged as mediators. He even offered to provide “ragon suna” for the naming ceremony if that was the reason why the husband was very bitter. So I went.

The husband’s side of the story: Prior to meeting the lady in question, and his subsequent marriage with her, he had a wife and 2 children. He had planned for only 4 children in his life time. When it became clear that she is going to be his second wife, they both reached an understanding that in the event of their marriage she will give birth to not more than 2 children. He then convinced his first wife to also accept to give birth to only an additional child afterwards. So he settled into polygamy with the understanding that he will have a maximum of 5 children: 3 from his first wife and 2 from the second. The first wife gave birth to an additional child shortly after the marriage to the second wife, and had remained faithful to the agreement since then. The second wife gave birth to her first child, followed by the second child 16 months later. Both wives were then placed on appropriate contraception, and the family seems happy and at peace until the day he made the shocking discovery that his second wife was pregnant for the third time!

The husband tried convincing her on the need to terminate the pregnancy. She kicked against it! He knows that once he allows the second wife breech their prenuptial agreement and retain her third pregnancy, he will ceased to have any moral ground upon which to stand and insist that his first wife remain true and faithful to the agreement. He feared that the floor will then be opened for birthgiving competition between his wives; and the number of children likely to be produced from the resulting reproductive fertility rivalry would be staggering. His final position was for the second wife to make a choice of which to keep: the pregnancy or the marriage.

A second story: A friend’s wife, years ago, went on ‘yaji” (Hausa term describing a process whereby a married woman returned back to her parent’s home in protest to her husband’s action or inaction). I accompanied the husband for “biko” (persuading the wife to return to the husband’s house). At her parent’s house we learnt that the wife was protesting against what she described as her husband’s “lack of interest in procreating with her”. On our way back my friend told me that she was referring to his fruitless attempts at convincing her to go with him to a family health facility for some advices on contraception.

I can go on and on telling you stories of the dilemma faced by many northern Muslim men who confronted with the harsh economic realities of the day, tried convincing their wives to avail themselves of the opportunity presented by advances in reproductive and maternal health medicine as provided through family health facilities across the country.

The position of Islamic religious scholars, the most influential class of opinion leaders in the North, does not favour this class of married men. They, the Islamic scholars, can argue their position convincingly citing the Qur’an and Hadiths.

The number of unmarried marriageable girls, spinsters, divorcees, and widows in Muslim homes across major cities in northern Nigeria is stupendous and growing by the day. There is need for scholars in Islamic jurisprudence to reflect, ponder and earnestly seek deeper understanding of the text of the Quran and the Sunnah of the Prophet (SAW ) in light of the exigencies of the present situation.

Perhaps with time, a second Islamic scholars’ opinion will emerge in the North that would argue on a ground that would favour the category of men who desires to enter into the marriage contract with one or more women while at the same time limiting the number of children to be produced from such marriages.

Aliyu A. Ammani, Kaduna.