Messy marriages and shattered homes (II)
that naturally won’t last, things they have little control over their sustainability. This error leads to the second fatal error: the error of selection. Lost in lust, caged by desire and fired by opportunism, some men or women, high in the clouds of selfishness, like falcons, are deaf to the falconer’s whistle. They plunge headlong into a marriage destined not to work, because in the first instance, it was wrongly anchored.
But it is always never too late to retrace steps. For people lost in lust, many discerning minds always see the smoke of future trouble and warn of dangers in the affairs ahead, advising them against their choice. However, the incorrigibility of some lovers lead them to the altar with the wrong mates as spouses. We have heard tales of ‘no show’ of either the bride or the groom on the day the Lord is supposed to have made. There are also stories of husband or wife abandoning
If at all such wrong or mismatched couples with troubled or absent minds patch things to bring the world together in a lavish ceremony, they may never be able to build the home on true love, but on suspicion and distrust. It is either they run the home like a cat and mouse game or boxing ring regularly engaged in bouts. Now, many homes are actually battlefields of bleeding hearts and hurtful feelings where sharp tongues, deadly daggers and broken bottles, heavy pestles and searing acid are the arsenals in the loveless marriages. Can happy and responsible children be raised in such a home?
A more fundamental error is the lack of moderation in many marital affairs. In a case were the husband at the early stage of marriage yields to every superfluous demand of the wife just because the intoxicant of love is still strong, sooner or later, certain reality will set in tat will demand scaling down expenses or priorities. Tis is were complaints starts that the husband is no longer responsible demand this trend is a disturbing one indeed. We must wage a jihad for peace at home and love in the world.
We need a generation of marriage counsellors that will tutor young men and women before delving into marriage, nikkah in Islam. Talaq or divorce is odious in the sight of Allah. But if divorce is most odious, what of murder of a wife or husband? What of suicide at home? What of arson and property destruction? What of child neglect or abandonment and so many despicable conducts including infidelity and disrespect that characterize so many flawed marriages that are actually sending wrong messages about the value and virtue of matrimony in our society?
Marriage is a serious affair. It is a divine obligation. It is not a single man decision. It is not a retail shop transaction where you pick something on the shelf and on finding out it has some defects, you return it to the stall for money back or pick just another item. It is a life-long decision which each party needs the guidance of Allah and the valuable counsel of experienced parents, mentors or elders. You also need the company of sincere friends who know you more than you think you know yourself, who love you not because of what they want to benefit from you but who would not shy from telling you the truth anytime. I have been benefitted by such counsels in almost the past 25 years that I have been married at bare 27 years of age. And I can confidently say, praise be to Allah for keeping my home.
Abdul –Warees, an Assistant Director of Strategic Planning & Corporate Development at Voice of Nigeria, Ikoyi Lagos writes via korewarith@yahoo.com