Jaafar Jaafar’s burden
It’s a known secret that journalists are ever jealous of politricians. Overworked, grossly underpaid when paid at all, they blow grammar everywhere and convince themselves that they are the conscience of the masses. Of course, that’s a lie. The masses don’t need conscience, they need dollars, and because dollars are not their portion, they get by with Naira or a bit of stomach infrastructure.
Thank heavens that politricians are usually more magnanimous in aspiration and victory. They hire some journalists to help launder their image. If the journalist does as he’s told, he becomes a chief press secretary or a media adviser. Further loyalty means he could be allowed to join the ruining ranks. But very often, these journalists who are sentenced to a life of poverty and an old age of penury lie to themselves.
My good friend and colleague, Jaafar Jaafar thinks he could write himself to the heart of the people by broadcasting a sting operation on Kano people’s governor, Abdullahi Umar Ganduje the only governor with the joker guaranteed to deliver Sai Baba’s reelection. People like Jaafar think that nobody has the capacity to deliver on block votes. It is a thinking that emanates from reading that fake pamphlet called the constitution. The same paper whose preamble lies against the rest of us by saying - we the people – when we said nothing. Ask any student of history and they’ll tell you that Naija people have never reached a consensus on anything that is not forced on them.
Why are Naija people not swayed by videos except the ones featuring Davido romancing their idol? A video of a Naija governor taking his dollarized reward on earth only exposes the untapped potentials of the national dress as a vault where oyibo ones have failed. When the Naija tailor fashioned the babar riga, he was thinking of something to cover more than people’s nakedness.
Years earlier, Farouk Lawan taught the world to use the ‘integrity cap’judiciously. Before him, Nasir el-Rufai accused Abuja sinator Jonathan Zwingina and Ibrahim Mantu of demanding a huge cut to clear him as a federal minister. Zwingina is a Christian while Mantu is a Muslim convert. They perhaps wanted a balanced equation but that case died since it was not reported on the famous Apple watch. The huge salary we pay sinators is not to cover the usual culture of take a bow and go. An extra is not regarded as sin. Under the same regime, Ghali Umar Na’abba sprayed money on the mace, an alleged show of appreciation for favours expected by then President Obasanjo. We stopped teaching history in schools because what it reflects is not a good legacy for posterity.
Americans once attempted to force Naija to take action by releasing the details of the so-called Halliburton Scandal. They thought that having tried and jailed their own citizens involved in the scandal, Naija, which borrowed its constitution from America without paying for it would take action. It didn’t. Even when we found Ibori, we were too weak to hurt a godfather.
Obono Obla gained admission to the University of Jos with someone else’s JAMB score. Yet, he seats over an anti-corruption committee designed to hurt anyone else. The Commander of Integrity who appointed him had his school certificate result eaten by termites in the Army records. It must be a curse from an early life, because rats followed him to a fortified Aso Rock and sent him out of his office at one point.
Kemi Adeosun entered into our psyche with her Cockney accent. She headed our economic team with a fake NYSC discharge certificate. Journalists believed they had her. She rode through the storm until she got tired of the heckling, then sauntered into a nearby airport and returned to her‘original’ country. The skies are still blue.
The press made a fuss about Minister Adebayo Shittu not serving his nation. Minister Shittu, a trained lawyer with money to hire better lawyers did not deny the story. He invented his personal definition of the word ‘service’ that is being studied for judicial adoption by the courts. He keeps his job.
The Naija press was obsessed with Grasscutter David Babachir Lawal. He remained in office until the heat burnt his seat. In retirement he is re-election campaign coordinator to the shame of his detractors. As a retired citizen, he is free to cut grass for any amount. With the network of contacts, there won’t be a dearth of grasscutting contracts. His type of retirement is more enviable than the jeremiad of retired teachers or Naija airways staff who are the latest darling of the Commander of Integrity.
The almajirai of my second home, Kano; unfazed about reading anything not written in a’jami have vowed eternal support for Governor Ganduje. They remain vote banks in defiance of the legal age of voting. It is for them that Mr. Integrity kicked off his re-election campaign in Kano to a tumultuous crowd. This is what politrics is about.
Given these odds, I have nothing but pity for Jaafar Jaafar. When the curtain is drawn on the current drama at the Kano State House of Assembly; where is Jaafar gonna run to? For in this country of ours, a rogue NUJ Chapter is bound to bestow its Award of Integrity in Governance on Governor Ganduje with pomp and fanfare. And that, my dear friends, is the bottom line.