How Do We Break This Cycle?
IHAVE been with my partner for almost four years, but we don’t live together. We generally get along, however, we have problems communicating. Every three to four months, we have an argument that could escalate into us not talking for weeks.
When we speak again, we would have a long talk about what went wrong and what we would each do differently next time, only to find ourselves back at square one again, a few months later. The arguments usually start because I am unhappy about something he had said or done ( nothing major, but where he has been insensitive or too demanding) and I communicate this to him. I do this calmly, without raising my voice, but he always takes offence and ends up being the one that is hurt. How do we break this cycle?
We are both 50. I have a teenage son from a former marriage that he gets along with, whereas he has never married or lived with anyone else. While I am independent, I would like to have someone in my life, although it would take someone amazing to make me want to live with someone again. Though this man has said he sees himself growing old with me, the thought of living with someone who I cannot communicate with fills me with anxiety. He is a nice man who has been very open ( much more than I have) about how he feels about me, but I don’t know that we are good together. It is almost like we cannot live with each other, but cannot live without each other. Love Quiz:
How Do We Enhance Our Marriage?
M Y28- year marriage that was always loving and happy has become flat, with only intimacy being a peck on the cheek, some loving hugs and cuddling in bed at times. Deep down, I am not interested in sex, partly because he had an encounter with a man several years ago. I found out, confronted him and it had a big effect on our relationship. I am sure he is not gay, but it is confusing for me.
It occurred at a time when we still had children at home and there was a lot of stress on our blended family. Once the kids got older and moved out, our relationship improved and we got back to being affectionate towards each other, until he became impotent with erection problems, so intercourse was not achieved.
He is 69 and has always been very stressed, irritable and easily angered. I have always appropriately stood up for myself when he becomes dominating. I am respectful towards him, but don’t know how I am going to tolerate his behaviour for much longer.
I do love him and want to stay in the marriage, but he is somewhat depressed now that he is retired ( while I work full time) and he always finds the negative side of everything to dwell on. Sometimes, it is like living with the leader of a boot camp.
He won’t consider antidepressants, as medication made him feel awful. I think his anxiety and anger issues are more of a problem than his depression.
Hopefully, you can advise me how to improve my marriage.
Advice:
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