How Much Can A Man Endure?
“Your girlfriend has been evicted from BBN house”
“Please don’t talk loudly, madam is in the kitchen and might be eavesdropping”
“Maria’s eviction is the least of my problems now”
“Oh, my bad, I forgot about the other issue, so sorry to hear about the pain you are going through right now … it is well”
“My brother, painfully we cannot exactly identify the cause of the problem”
“Ah my guy that means you have not seen the video by the singing Senator Dino”
“Please what about it, has he released another song?”
“This time it is not a song’’
“Please leave that man alone, he has too much money and we don’t have similar problems”
“On the contrary you do. Both of you are afflicted by the same …” “Me and who? Afflicted? God forbid bad thing! Don’t you know words are powerful?”
“You have started with this your superstitious belief about affirmation. How come all the years, you people have been making affirmations like: it is well with Nigeria, the land is green, Oshodi will be more developed than Dubai, and all the various positive affirmations, nothing has changed ? In fact in the words of Fela: We still day perambulate and still dey same same place. Please how many affirmations did Otedola, Dangote, Elon Musk or Jeff Bezos make? Faith without works is dead you know”
“Each to his own belief, anyway back to the video of our singing Senator
“Now you are interested in the content. Please pour me another shot of whisky’’
“After quoting faith without works is dead, you want me to pour you a shot, yeye man”
“Are you my pastor? Please a little whisky is good for thy stomach sake…’’
“Ha ha, very funny, you can see that your ‘ yeyeness’ is unending”
“My guy, I cannot kill myself.
Anyway, back to the singing senator, in the video he identified the source of your problem. As I mentioned earlier, he is suffering from the same affliction…”
“Please, can you use another word instead of affliction?”
“Do you want my gist or should I keep it to myself? Meanwhile, the other day at the cash point, I met a woman who reminded me so much of you. There was a long queue and I wanted to know if I could join the line behind her. Are you the last madam? Her response left me bewildered: I am not the last, I will never be the last, I will always be ahead in life, nobody in my family will be the last…”
“Hehehe, you will not kill me with laughter. But guy I am not that bad na”
“Mr Positive affirmation, are you denying your ‘ sister- in- affirmation’ now? And did I tell you about my encounter at the elevator with another member of your affirmation club. I was on the elevator going up from the first floor to the 9th. Are you going down? A gentleman asked when the elevator opened on the 4th floor. Before anyone could respond, your brother answered: No, we are not going down, we will never go down, we will always go up…”
“This man, please finish up your drink and leave my house before you kill me with laughter and your stupid stories”
“Don’t you want to hear the gist about the source of your problem as identified by a man who is in a similar predicament? I hope predicament is a more positive word than affliction?’’
“How do I know you again ? Please give me the gist’’
“Anyway, according to the Senator, the source of your problem is the coach of your club Arteta. He didn’t just stop at identifying the problem, he also followed it up with a strong prayer for the destruction of forces keeping Arteta in Arsenal”
“I can see you are enjoying this, please leave me and my Arsenal alone o. Let me suffer the pain of supporting Arsenal in peace’’
“I have told you to join the pride of London. People with blue blood don’t suffer this kind of pain. Join Chelsea and leave Arsenal ”
“I am a gooner for life, nothing will stop me from supporting Arsenal. Real fans don’t abandon their clubs - win or lose”
“In that case, I don’t want to hear your rants about Arsenal, Edu, Kroenke and Arteta again. Your club has become the butt of jokes”
“Arsenal will bounce back soon, don’t worry”
“Be deceiving yourself, Arsenal is on the way to relegation. But my guy really is that how you like to suffer? With all problems and hardship in the country, how can you add supporting Arsenal to the mix? How much can a man endure? Living in Nigeria and supporting Arsenal ”
“Don’t worry, we will continue to have faith, it is well with Arsenal, it is well with Nigeria. Things can only get better.’’