Positive Discipline For Parents
HOwcan parents use positive discipline as a tool of intentional parenting? You want to think about discipline differently from what you might have been used to. As a parent, you want to help your child acknowledge what behaviour is wrong; and how and why to correct it. Ultimately, you want to help them understand why they should have different behaviours.
Family Goals
As a family, you want to make sure that your values and expectations are clear. You need to be able to model what they are, and be able to show your children your how and why. What behaviours do you want? Why do you want it and then let your children understand that! Think about discipline not as just punitive punishment to cause pain and inflict pain, but for correction of behaviour, so that your child can learn how to take the right actions.
Effective parenting needs your family goals and values to be an anchor. Your children need to hear and see you model those values you say are important. Positive discipline is built on this level of relationship. For example, if respect is important to you as a parent, how are you showing respect to others in your home, to your spouse and to your children. Do you show respect?
Understanding Emotions When it comes to emotions, no emotion by itself is bad. It is simply an indication. It is the action you take and what you do as a result of the emotion that matters. So, when it comes to younger children, and when you think of their behaviour as simply throwing tantrums, realise that it is simply emotions being expressed. Now, what they need is for their parents and caregivers to teach them what the appropriate way to respond is. Teach them how to calm down, how to use their words and not to give in to tantrums.
It is also important to pay attention to patterns.
Maybe there’s a reason your toddler is unhappy and throws a tantrum. It could be as simple as throwing more tantrums when they are hungry. One way to manage this could be simply not to let your toddler get hungry before you start to prepare his or her food. With positive discipline, before disciplining children seek to understand why they’ve done what they’ve done.
For older children as well when they misbehave or they act out; you want to understand why. As a parent, who wants to apply positive discipline, take the time to understand. In fact, you might be surprised to find out that underlining their behaviour could be stress or even peer pressure. Your child is not necessarily just trying to frustrate you.
When parents react from a place of anger, frustration, and embarrassment, there is no way the discipline can be positive. When you understand what is behind the behaviour that you’re trying to correct, you can then implement and use the right disciplining methods, as well as assign the right consequences. There is nothing like understanding that even in discipline correction, you can do it out of love; it makes a huge difference.
Getting The Early Years Right
The first seven years of a child’s life is absolutely critical. In fact, the first three years are the foundation. So, if you don’t get the first three years right, you actually might fall into the trap of remedial fixes for decades. Watch this video from Gabor Mate. It is important to reiterate that positive discipline cannot happen if there is not good attachment and relationship between the parents and children.
Now, the brain’s psychological development requires a nurturing relationship with mutually responsive adults. If the relationship is unhealthy, it affects the child’s development and leads to insecurities and other issues. A child who is fearful and enters a flight or fight mood is simply defensive and is not learning anything. Parenting is not a role It’s a relationship - Gabor Mate.