Blame, Blame, Blame In The Family

Lagos. We prepared jollof rice and chicken and a bottle of soft drink for everyone. Before we let them loose to play their different games and allow the ocean water to splash on them, we sat them down and taught the word of God, and how to draw them closer to their families. At a stage I asked them: “Do your parents blame you a lot at home?” The answer surprised my wife and I. It was a very loud “yes” while others said “yes ooooooo!” The next question we asked was: "Do you have younger ones in your home?” Perhaps about 80 per cent of them might have said “yes.” We now asked a third question: “Do you blame them when they do things wrong?” After about a second or two, they said “yes” and they all started laughing.

Before that day, many of those young people were only aware and murmured at their parents and guardians for always blaming them. It was that day they realised that they are also “blamers.”

How do we remove this vicious circle of blame from our marriages and families? First of all, many of us parents, elder siblings and leaders in work places have to admit the fact that we are too judgmental and that we have a superiority complex and that we have the “Napoleon is always right” leadership attitude as portrayed in George Orwell’s novel, “Animal Farm.”

To live at peace with yourself and all men, you have to purge yourself of a judgmental spirit.

Family leaders should sit down and study Matthew 7:15 and see how they can “cast out the beam out of” their own eyes. People who know how to cast the beam out of their own eyes blame less and instead correct in love. They blame less because they also know that they might have done similar mistakes in the past or have problems in other areas of their lives. They recognise that just as other people have faults, they also have faults.

Personally, this is the system that I use and it has enabled me to correct people the more and blame less. I am still growing in it, but it is working for me and it will also work for your family. Do not be judgmental. Correct other people in calmness and love the way you will want to be corrected. Love you!