Living With An Emotionally Wounded Spouse

OVER 20 years ago, I bought a book written by a pastor about the relationship he had with his dog. He said he was so close to his dog that if he went swimming with his dog and drifted towards the deep end of the water; his dog will swim after him --pulling his legs as if saying: ‘ Don’t go too deep.’ He said that once in a while when his mother was looking the other way, he would sneak the dog into his bedroom and it will sleep in his room. He shared many things in common with his dog and truly loved this dog.

Whenever it was time for him to come home from school every day, the dog will wait in front of the house and as he walked into sight his beloved dog will run towards him; wagging its tail in delight to welcome him home.

One fateful day as he walked towards his home from school, some other

started backing viciously at him. His dog sighted him and ran towards him to fight off the other dogs and save his beloved owner and friend. As the dogs challenged each other; they strayed into the road right in front of a moving car. The car sped off the road, but there on the ground lay his beloved dog injured and bleeding after being hit by a car. He ran to carry the dog so he could take it home for treatment, but each time he wanted to hold his dog, the dog will attempt to bite him. This process went on until his beloved dog finally bled to death.

The lesson Pastor J.

Richards was trying to pass in this book is that hurting people bite. In the course of growing up, many people may have passed through emotional wounds and pains and if these wounds are not healed and the pains dealt with before marriage, it is very likely that such people’s quarreling style will come from an angle that their spouses may not understand. The harshness, the in- built defense mechanism and some of the easy flowing tears may be as a result of the painful past. A little spark, a little matter can cause a volcanic eruption and make such people quarrel in a manner that their spouses may not understand. It is on this basis that I normally advise couples to meet marriage counselors for the healing of their wounded emotions before they get married.

I tell them that in as much as they will never find the best footballer in the world going to play a football match with a serious injury until he is healed; this is how it is not good for a man or woman to go into marriage without healing their injured and painful emotions.

Meet a highly skilled marriage and family councilor if your spouse keeps behaving in a manner you cannot understand. It may be as a result of a pain of the past. Wounded emotions can be healed. Love you!

A little spark, a little matter can cause a volcanic eruption and make such people quarrel in a manner that their spouses may not understand.