DO I REALLY NEED FINANCIAL COMPATIBILITY IN MARRIAGE? PART 2

CONTINUED FROM LAST WEEK

What then are the things to look out for in determining if you are financially compatible?

1. family background/values: Look to understand what money means to the family because the experiences your spouse has had while growing up will shape their thoughts about money. Was money a tool to achieve control over the children or even the husband/wife? Are they given to extravagance and frivolous spending? Was the family happy and content just by being together with each other? Can they delay a personal expense for the good of the family? Are they generous?

2. Attitude to financial support to extended family members: This could be covered under being generous but I would like to stretch it a bit. Is there animosity if you extend a helping hand to your sibling or relative? Would it meet with strong opposition or disdain i.e. “That’s the money for my children you are giving to outsiders”. Can you count on your spouse to understand your generosity to your siblings and extended family without feeling cheated?

3. Ambition: is your spouse ambitious? I do not mean the evil kind of rule the world ambition (though I once had a boss who was convinced we would rule the world!), but a good desire to be successful and impact the community. Everyone and I mean every little boy or girl, has a dream of what they want to be by age five. As you get older, you fine tune this to fit your reality but there is always some goal you want to achieve.

4. Honesty: Is your spouse honest about money? This is a critical success factor .Will they disclose how much last year’s bonus cheque was? Will they confess if they had large unpaid debts before you got married and changed all your accounts to joint names? Most people say women are the worst culprits of this as they hide accounts and houses etc. but I disagree. How many families do you know where the wife has little or no information about the husband’s earnings or benefits. And it’s not happening to the women of the 70’s and 80’s but modern day educated sophisticated women. Honesty is the best foundation on which you can build any truly successful relationship.

5. Discuss: Listen and make joint decisions where possible. The pattern for most relationships are set within the first nine months. Watch out for a partner who is unwilling to discuss money, family values, God and spiritual commitments with you. Do not settle for emotional blackmail or stereotypes of women being the weaker sex or men not understanding housekeeping! you should be free to discuss your goals and plan in a relationship.

6. Lack of common courtesy: At an event where I was a panelist, one young man complained about women who you take out and they order everything on the menu just to waste your money and punish you. That tells me that the woman has been waiting for an opportunity to pay you back for a wrong you did her….Obviously something wrong there with communication. On the other hand, one lady asked if it was okay to pay half the bill when you have been asked out on a date. Everyone on that panel was mortified! We couldn’t believe the question or wrap our minds around the suggestion that you ask a girl out and you make her pay half the bill? But shock of all shocks, it appeared to be the acceptable norm because most of the young ladies at the event were kind of okay with it. One young man explained further that since the woman earns as much or more than him (unverified) she should not expect him to pay for an outing. Please flee a person who has no consideration for you.

7. Ability to plan, save, and invest: This is by far the most important value you could look out for in a spouse. Be it financial, career or relationship, your partner must have the vison, capacity, discipline and courage to create a plan and execute it. If you see signs of laziness or laissez-faire then know that when things get rough (and they do in every relationship) you will bear the burdens alone while your spouse goes off on a cruise to relax or play golf! Every family should have goals that they are working towards such as education for the children, owning a home etc. and the driver of these goals should be the parents working together as one. Does your spouse have the ability to plan and execute?

8. Generosity: Both in spirit, time and pocket. A smile, a warm welcome, a hug, a back rub, a meal cooked, a clean bath, a listening ear, a quiet time together. In the little things you can draw big conclusions about your partner. A person who is stingy with their time, laughs or prayers will be stingy in love and finances.

9. Discipline: Can they agree a plan and stick to it no matter how difficult? Saving and investing really is about denying yourself something together for a future gain. Discipline manifests in several other ways such as diligence, integrity, strength of character and ambition. Is your spouse disciplined?

10. fear of God: A person who has no fear of God is accountable to no one and will be a god unto themselves. They are not teachable and will not make amends for any wrong.

11. A preference for you: I am always so tripped when I hear someone say to a vendor or friend, “I can’t do this because my wife doesn’t like it”. It means they have taken time to listen to their spouse and learnt their preferences and are willing to choose what they like to make them happy. your spouse should be willing to make some choices that prefers you above all else because they love you and want to make you happy. A happy spouse makes for a happy home. Sometimes we just need to put ourselves in the shoes of the other party to understand that.

In conclusion, can you honestly answer the question, “Are you financially compatible with your spouse?”

have a great week! Ononuju Irukwu, is an investment Management professional and Personal Wealth consultant with over 2 decades of experience in Wealth Management. she is a writer and speaker focusing on issues affecting women and youths in making sound investment decisions. she can be reached via email: ononujui@yahoo.com, twitter- @ononujui and instagrampersonalwealthwithononujui.