FROM HER POINT OF VIEW BY RUKY SALAKO

Hello everyone, I know we are all doing ok… So much has happened in the last couple of months, from Accolades, Assurance, Royal wedding and the controversial Givenchy wedding gown to the issue of celibacy and pregnancy. I have definitely missed you all.

Don’t get too excited, because we are not dwelling on any of these today, I think I have a more pressing issue I need to talk about. ‘Forgive and Forget’.

People say men do not forgive but they forget, while women forgive but NEVER forget, I agree to an extent though. These two words go side by side and come out very easy, but not a lot of women live by it. In fact, I dare to say most Women don’t believe in forgive and forget, they actually can’t, and I have my reasons for concluding.

The other day I saw a movie on TV, where the wife poisoned the husband, I normally would rather be in front of my laptop or just sleep, but I found myself sitting back to follow the story. So, this couple had been married for over 28 years, and in the last 26 years, the wife constantly poisoned her husband! Yes…poison!!! What did he do?? Apparently he brought a mistress to their home, and she bore a daughter for him. He pleaded with his wife, asked for forgiveness, in fact the mistress eventually died, so it’s not as if he was still seeing the mistress.

When asked why the wife did what she did, she said she wanted to punish her husband... so I wondered why she didn’t leave if she was that unhappy? Why didn’t she cry out if she was not ok with his pleas? Why pretend that all was well when it was actually not? Too many questions yea? But this is little compared to what I heard on radio one cool evening as I was driving in traffic on my way home. People say men do not forgive but they forget, while women forgive but NEVER forget...

It was a call -in -programme; I think ‘Sharing Life Issues’ or so. This lady calls in, and the next thing I hear is unbelievable. The lady, married for about 18 years, had four kids and guess what? None of the kids was for her husband! Now the shocking part was that the real father of the kids had no clue that he was their father! The presenter asked in disbelief how she did it? Her response “I go to Kenya to see this man, he gets me pregnant, I come back home have sex with my husband, and move on”. Why she did it? “My husband cheated on me while we were dating, so I made up my mind to marry him and deal with him. In his old age, he will have absolutely nothing”. This scared me sincerely; some women are deeper than the word itself. She went on to say that her husband was not aware, but the thought alone gave her joy. My God! How mean you may say. I must say I have heard all sorts in this my few years of adulthood, but then, can you fully blame these women?

I think women do not forgive and forget because they sacrifice a lot of themselves for loved ones (partners), so when you hurt them, they cannot forgive you especially when they give you 105% of themselves.

Maybe Women forgive; they forgive everything, even the lack of love. They forgive that you take them for granted, that you prefer football with the boys to quiet time with them, they forgive that you forget all the important dates from birthdays to anniversaries. That you constantly cheat on them and apologize, and even when you forget to buy them gifts on their special days, women understand.

Women forgive the lack of a man in a man, the domestic, financial, emotional and verbal abuse, the near death experience you put them through. Even when she says she cannot forgive, she does. But a woman never forgets, she never forgets what makes or breaks her, she never forgets a man who brings out the angel or demon in her. NEVER.

A woman is filled with depth, unimaginable depth, she has multiple personalities, some of which you may never get to see. When you wrong a woman who genuinely loves you, she stores it up naturally, and all is well until you wrong her again and again, she replays everything you ever did wrong since she met you, and then she shuts down. Now when she shuts down and wants to leave, let her go, it is better for you. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned... What is unforgivable? What is unforgettable? What is your justification?

For comments, opinions, questions, issues or if you have anything you would like us to talk about, reach me on ruky.salako@ thisdaylive.com, @fromherpointofviewng or Text +2347055555888