FAT SHAMING

BATTLE OF THE BULGE - PART 19 (WEEK 20)

Recap and vital statistics:

I am 5 feet and 10 inches tall and 60 years old.

I was super-slim till about 10 years ago, then gradually got fat.

I started this weight loss programme on March 16th when I weighed a whopping 120kg and measured 49-47-51 (chest-waist-hips) inches.

I am aiming to drop to 85kg or less and have made some progress.

But I’m not shedding the lard that is bogging my body down as speedily as I’d hoped to; and I’ve been stuck at 106kg since July.

It’s difficult to lose weight at ANY age and particularly difficult when you are closer to the grave than the cradle… and possess an ailing metabolism that is more sluggish than it was when you were young.

The other day, I was talking to an enviably slender English girlfriend who has, impressively, maintained her figure.

She’s 58 now and can still comfortably fit into the beautiful size 12 wedding dress she wore when she got married at the age of 26.

I don’t have to ask her how she has achieved this feat because I’ve regularly socialised with her for the past couple of decades and can confirm that she is amazingly disciplined.

I’ve witnessed her carefully watching what she eats and drinks – sticking to sugarless and milk-free coffee, restricting her alcohol intake, rejecting desserts at dinner parties, half-heartedly picking at salads that are almost devoid of calories while others wolf down pasta and all manner of carb- and oil-heavy dishes in restaurants.

For a dedicated foodie like me, her existence would have been hell as well as impossible. I simply wouldn’t have been able to deprive myself of the many glorious meals I’ve had in different countries.

Some of us live to eat, while others like my friend aren’t really into food and eat only to live. And my friend – who had a slow metabolism even when we were young – used to envy me as much as I now envy her because until about 10 years ago, I could get away with eating whatever I fancied on an almost nonstop basis.

How I mourn my lost turbo-charged metabolism! Anyway, I’m ready to suffer for a few months to get my weight back down to a point at which my doctor will stop nagging me about how unhealthily obese I am and I will like what I see in the mirror.

I’m also fiercely determined to ensure that when I reach my target weight, I won’t relapse into a level of rampant gluttony that will cause the kilos to pile back on. I’m not going through all this pain now only to regain all or most of the weight that I will have lost.

But I digress. What I’ll do to maintain the progress I’ve made when I get to where I want to be is another story for a later date.

In the meantime, I’m struggling to get past the 106kg plateau on which I have been languishing in recent weeks.

Further reducing calories when you are already eating a lot less than you used to and avoiding many favourite food items is no walk in the park, so I’m trying to increase the calories I burn via exercise.

I have a mega-fit, cycling fanatic pal called Iboroma (I.B) Akpana – you will hear more of the advice I am getting from him in later “episodes” of this column; and he is my fitness guru.

IB is a Harvard-trained lawyer who has a super-analytical brain; and though he regards exercise as fun and actively ENJOYS the process of pushing his body to overcome obstacles and fulfil its potential, he also approaches exercise almost scientifically and has studied the different ways in which one can get the most out of it.

IB has been encouraging me to do at least 30 minutes of VIGOROUS cardiovascular exercise 5 times a week… to start with.

BUT I happen to be physically lazy and uncompetitive by nature, despite being a natural athlete (because of my ectomorphic physique) who (unwillingly!) excelled at various sports at school.

When there is no bossy sports teacher with a shrill whistle forcing me to hit the netball pitch, tennis court, running track or gym, I’d rather ensconce myself in a comfy squishy sofa, reading a book or watching TV or hanging out with boozy friends or listening to music.

But I’ve decided to take IB’s attempts to help me jetisson obesity and improve my health seriously; and I have teamed up with an Abuja buddy called Bona Nwosu. Every morning, Bona shows up at my house and briskly informs me that it is time for our daily walk.

He reminds me of my bossy sports teacher at school!!!