First Bank’s Lexical Recession

THISDAY, THE SATURDAY NEWSPAPER, of October 8 welcomes us this week: “Diamond Bank Plc (PLC) is a customer driven (customer-driven) bank….” “…enhanced customer friendly (customer-friendly) services.” “Again, Edo PDP protest (protests) declaration of Obaseki as governor elect (governor-elect)” “NigerAssembly introduce (introduces) palliatives to cushion economic recession”

The Guardian Front Page of October 4 takes over from THISDAY with the following infractions: “Cross River highway project threatens (threatened) over N3000b donor funds to Nigeria”

“Police seeks (seek) international co-operation to fight cyber crime”

“UNIBEN ex-VC,Alele-Williams, others bags (why?) chieftaincy title (titles)”

“The agitation is a natural reaction to the neglect and share (sheer) marginalization of the Igbo geopolitical enclave.” (THE GUARDIAN Opinion Page, October 4)

“Nasarawa govt (govt.) proffers solution against (to) recession”

“Nigeria’s recession a blessing in disguises (disguise), says Utomi

“CIPM inducts new executive members” This is a disappointment: would it have been old executive members? You can readmit or rededicate old executive members—not induct or inaugurate!

Government of Rivers State of Nigeria, Ministry of Lands & Survey, circulated the following juvenile blunders via a full-page wasteful/patronizing congratulatory message to Governor Wike on Nigeria’s 56th IndependenceAnniversary signed by SirAnugbum Onuoha JP, SpecialAdviser to the Governor on Lands: “...it is a reality that your administration that commenced on a very good footing has witnessed monumental successes resulting to (in) Landmark (unnecessary capitalization) achievements.”

“This year’s celebration of Nigeria’s 56th IndependenceAnniversary, (needless comma) bring (brings) to….”

“…the evidence we are seeing today through commissioning (inauguration) of tremendous projects.”

“…we join all well meaning (well-meaning) Nigerians to salute and congratulate you….”

“Return Nigeria’s loots, Buhari tells US, UK” (DAILY Sun Front Page Bold Headline, September 21) Misquoting Buhari: ‘loot’ is uncountable.

“The award further confirms the popular view of the entire Rivers people that Gov. Wike is God-sent (Godsend) and a remarkable achiever.” (Full-page advertorial by Ogbaku Ikwerre Cultural Organization World-wide, THISDAY, October 1)

“Apinch of unparralled (unparalleled) UNITY” (Full-page recipe for celebrating at 56 by FirstBank, THISDAY, October 1) You First: always spell-check

“Rejoinder on (to) Thisday publication on DELSUTH”

“Rest in the bossom (bosom) of your Creator” (Full-page memorial, THISDAY, October 1)

“Army kills 7 militants, repel (why?) attack by Bakasi (sic) armed group” (Source: as above)

“The feelers (feeler) one is getting is that there is a deliberate plan to keep us permanently angry with our past….” (DAILY Sun Back Page, July 27)

“…the kind of a country that majority (a majority) of Nigerians would be proud of.” (DAILY SUN HARD FACTS, September 7)

“It is time the government did (does) something and quickly to reverse the trend.” Alternatively: It is high time government did….

“The potentials of Ogun cotton production” Either potentialities or just potential (no inflection) (DAILY SUN Headline, September 14)

“Gang up (Gang-up) against Tinubu’s candidate” (SUNDAY Sun Front Page Banner, September 4)

“Infidelity, abortion scares man away from wife” Error of attraction: scare.

The next three blunders are from DAILY SUN of September 13: “…the PDP in the state congratulated the former governor of the state for (on/upon) the victory.”

“Elumelu sets precedence (precedent) in impact investing (investment) inAfrica”

“GOC’s shoot-at-sight order undue interference with electoral process” Fixed expression: shoot-onsight order. “40 persons charged for election violence in Osun” Stock phrase: charge with (not for) “To serve is a priviledge…” Spell-check: privilege. “The INEC office was said to have been packed full, before a big bang was heard.” ‘Bang’ does not need any qualification—small or big because of its inherent loudness and suddenness.

“…As underaged voters storm polling booths’’ This way: underage voters.

“My grouse with INEC’’ My grouse about (not with or against)….

“INEC’s shodiness and senators’ apprehension” Shoddiness leads to sloppiness.

“Banks get 48 hours ultimatum” Why not 48 hours’ ultimatum?

“For the many others who kept their heads low and still did their duties the best way they could, we say congratulations for (on/upon) surviving the season of anomie.”

“The occasion was to mark the anniversary of his release from prison in (on) the infamous Robben Island.”

“All manners (manner) of evil (evils) have been blamed on the Nigerian police.”

“They too would ask why the candidate put himself forward two times for the Senatorial post, knowing fully (full) well that….”

“The government justified its decision to privatize all but a few of its public enterprises on the ground (grounds) that they have been….” (THE NATION, September 6) “The next set ofAssemblies should comprise of people of sound knowledge of the law.” Obliterate the ‘of’ preceding ‘people’..

”If Nigerians are to continue taking government’s moral propagations serious (seriously)….”

“…the fate of other spheres of human activity are (is) inextricably tied to it.”

“If the police was (were) slow in apprehending the murderers….”

“President Buhari urged to embark on poverty alleviation schemes” News: poverty-alleviation scheme. Take note of the hyphen.

“The chances of any fifteen to twenty-four-yearold being murdered is (are)….”

“…top office holders who are currently (sic/ unnecessary) facing various charges ranging from murder, embezzlement of public money and (to) blatant violation of fundamental human rights of many Nigerians.”

“…suspected criminals caught by various vigilante (vigilance) groups who now do the job of the police.”

“When Obasanjo made known his intention to contest the presidential election under (on) the platform of the PDP….”

“…he was going to do his possible best.…” Issues in 2017 Budget: ‘Best’ does not require any intensification because of its superlative status.

“But the governor has stuck to his gun (guns), insisting that his action is perfectly constitutional.”

Next in the saddle is THE PUNCH of September 13 which goofed this way: “LG plans to employ qualified health officials” Would it have employed unqualified officials? Your readers are not moronic patrons!

“The minister had alerted the nation about (to) the activities of saboteurs within the system.”

“The NLC has however gone beyond mere condemnation of the policy to threaten government with a strike action.” Deregulation of English: industrial action.

“I have also come to the conclusion that the best way to remain sane in this country is not to take our rulers serious (seriously).”

“INEC was at a crossroad before the postpone-