Segun Adeniyi: Let us Ignore that Book

Don’t mind me o, this headline is aimed at catching your attention. You see, the idea is to get you to send me a signed copy of this very seminal book or otherwise how would I get you to do that if I do not get your attention with this catchy but utterly misleading headline? You see, Mr, Adeniyi, you and one man they used to call Chidi Emutchay and Ndaeyo Uko who used to write for The Guardian those days are the people who inspired me into wanting to be a columnist and today I have overtaken you guys with the level of influence I wield in this our chosen field. Just go and ask them in Shomolu. Seriously, I have always admired your writings especially the sweet-flowing style in which you deliver your usually wellthought out contexts. Sir, I used to know Mßadam, when she was working in an insurance firm in Lagos. She is light in complexion, tall and beautiful. I have even met you before, yes na at the Musa Yar’Adua Centre in Abuja. You were wearing one tight, blue jeans like that and a white T-shirt with glasses on your face. We talked about everything and you hugged me telling me that I was a great writer and that you saw a Nobel in my future. Well, I think after me, you are the greatest living columnist and essayist of your generation, you remain the singular most influential thinker that has come out of your village and I am sure you will continue to wield so much influence and power for a long time to come. Or how do you explain the way people who are usually very hard to get sitting down and telling you all these things that are in your book? The level of access you have shown in this book can only come from juju. See the people you spoke to, Kai, Tinubu, Jonathan, all these heavy weights and juggernauts falling all over themselves to speak to you. You remain my hero and although I am a better writer, you have won my respect and complete adulation. It is in this regard, that I am now officially requesting for a signed copy of your book or why do you think I have been hailing you like this? Please if you do not mind, let me know how to come and collect the book, my brother in-law is on standby to meet you anywhere in this world to collect the book. Sir, if you do not mind, before releasing the Book, kindly ask him to take a picture of you with the book for my archives. Well sir, while awaiting your speedy response, let me say congratulations and well done.