LEGAL HUMOUR
A man was sent to Hell for his sins. As he was being taken to his place of eternal torment, he passed a room where a lawyer was having an intimate conversation with a beautiful young woman. "What a rip-off," the man muttered. "I have to roast for all eternity, and that lawyer gets to spend it with a beautiful woman." Jabbing the man with his pitchfork, the escorting demon snarled, "Who are you to question the woman's punishment?"
An attorney telephoned the governor just after midnight, insisting that he talk to him regarding a matter of utmost urgency. An aide eventually agreed to wake up the governor. "So, what is it?" grumbled the governor. "Judge Garber has just died" said the attorney, "and I want to take his place." Replied the governor "Well, its OK with me if its OK with the undertaker."
A woman was being questioned in a court trial involving slander. "Please repeat the slanderous statements you heard, exactly as you heard them," instructed the lawyer. The witness hesitated. "But they are unfit for any respectable person to hear," she protested. "Then," said the attorney, "just whisper them to the judge."
A red-faced judge convened court after a long lunch. The first case involved a man charged with drunk driving, who claimed it simply wasn't true. "I'm as sober as you are, your honour," the man claimed. The judge replied, "Clerk, please, enter a guilty plea. The defendant is sentenced to 30 days."
Despite his best efforts, the lawyer's client was convicted of murder and sentenced to die in the electric chair. On the eve of his execution, the convict called his attorney for lastminute advice. He was told, "Don't sit down."
A man went into a local Chamber of Commerce, obviously desperate. He asked the man at the counter, "Is there a criminal lawyer in town?" The man replied, "Yes - but we can't prove it yet."
Two schoolgirls were having an argument. "My dad's better than your dad. He's a carpenter and makes buildings." The other girl replied, "My dad does better than that. He's a lawyer, and makes loopholes."
A golfer hooked his tee shot over a hill and onto the next fairway. Walking toward his ball, he saw a man lying on the ground, groaning with pain. "I'm an attorney," the wincing man said, "and this is going to cost you $5000." "I'm sorry, I'm really sorry," the concerned golfer replied. "But I did yell 'fore'." "I'll take it!," the attorney said.