Two Years Of Change “H
just siddon dey look.” “We just dey look. Two years and we thank God.”
“I know. I know. But there was no programme in place for celebrating two years of the Buhari government. In the past, we used to have a week-long programme, with military parades, prayers here and there and then a national broadcast to remind the people of how democratic rule has been so fruitful and kind.”
“I saw that. The Acting President spoke about optimism, building confidence, and reassuring the people. It was as if the country was mourning.”
“But what is your assessment? The cloud has settled, we can now think more clearly.” “He is probably right. May be it is better to assess the administration in 10 years time.”
“History has a way of offering better views. Nigerians are always impatient. They don’t appreciate the good vision that history offers.”
“I am not dumb. I am smart. After all, am I the person that said President Buhari does not owe Nigerians anything?”
“Yes. One Presidential aide insisted that Nigerians should stop expecting this and that, because it is not the business of government.”
“You keep saying I see, I see. Are you sure you don’t need to change your eye-glasses?”
“SBM Intelligence. You better find out who owns it and who is behind it. What if SBM Intelligence is owned by the PDP or some marabouts who have upgraded their game?”
”I don’t know about that.”
“There was no celebration. We
“Well, what does Richard Quest actually know about Nigeria. He came here to eat jollof rice with Alhaji Lai Mohammed. Jollof rice has a way of inducing you to get carried away and when you get carried away, you say all kinds of things.”
“No. I blame jollof rice. Why would he reduce everything to Abuja airport runway? This government in two years has reduced Boko Haram to nothing. This is the government that seized the very essence of Boko Haram and Ibrahim Shekau.”
“This government captured the Boko Haram flag and Shekau’s Quoran. That is a monumental achievement. What is Shekau without his flag and his Quoran? Richard Quest is talking. Not even his own country America can claim to have captured the ISIS flag. When Nigeria does something, let us say so. I beg.”
“They can keep them wherever they like. Once Shekau’s essence was captured, the girls were bound to come out. Over 100 of them did.”
“What I even want to suggest is that Sambisa Forest should be turned into a legacy site. Something like the establishment of the University of Sambisa Forest, for girls only, to help us remember the battle that was fought in that forest.”
“I don’t see how that is a problem. Sambisa can be converted from a theatre of agony into a major educational theatre, given the nature of its story.”
“We need to prove that Boko is not Haram.”
“Of course they owe us something. Whoever said they don’t is either high on something or stupid.”
“Yes”
“Clearly, the Senate doesn’t fully understand how the economy has worked in the past two years.”
“The economy has been diversified, I can tell you that for a fact.” of how lucrative grass cutting can be. You can become an instant multi-millionaire by cutting grass.”
“Yes. You can also become stupendously rich by rearing snakes”
“Yes. Persons in this government have shown us how to diversify sources of revenue, so it is not just diversification of the economy, the new model is about the diversification of revenue.”
“Don’t worry. It’s because the new model is yet to take root. In ten years’ time when you review the administration, you’d understand better.”
“Yes. Nigerians should learn to be patient. That is how change begins with you.”
“If it is, then by now, you’d be dead. You have to be grateful.”
“Many jobs are being created. In Benue state for example, the Governor has distributed wheel-barrows as dividends of democracy and as a means of alleviating poverty.”
“My brother, he even put his name on the wheel barrows.”
“David Mark is just being jealous. We are talking economic transformation. A Federal Minister has also said that Nigeria will soon be self-sufficient in the production of pencils and toothpicks.”
“By 2019, of course. Something big. ”
“Don’t worry. Nobody resigns in Nigeria. You’d resign and miss the opportunity for grass-cutters? Commot-mouth-for-matter! I know at least one Minister who is already delivering ahead of schedule, though”
“The Minister of Information. He said government was going to create many jobs through the promotion of masks and masquerades.”
“He delivered. During the Eyo Festival to mark the 50th Anniversary of Lagos State, many masquerades took over the streets. Solid diversification.”
“There will always be occupational hazards. Think in terms of the jobs that were created.” “But it is all part of the economy. Masquerade as business metaphor.”
“Okay, this government in two years has made music very popular. The biggest achievement by the National Assembly for example is that special song: Ajekun iya ni o je, ajekun iya ni o je…. I won’t be surprised if Beyonce, or R.Kelly or any of our superstars - Whizkid, Davido, Tiwa Savage, Banky W turn it into a major remix, with some Senators appearing in the video. In fact, Ajekun iya was a major presentation during the Lagos at 50 celebrations. ” “No. This is not about my own family, but your chop-and clean-mouth family. The day your truth will come out, hen.”
“But you are aware SMB Intelligence says the cost of governance has gone up and that nothing has changed?” “Is it also the PDP that is responsible for Baba’s health travels to the UK?” “Al hamdulillahi” “But wait a moment. Did you just say Mummy?” “Ha. Oh my. Look at me”
“I know your type. You-are-a-sycophant! You have joined them to call the President’s wife, your Mummy? Haba.”
“Don’t worry. I understand.” “I am not excited. I am worried about the Acting President’s safety.”
“Have you not heard that some people are now saying he has surrounded himself with Yoruba people?”
“They have started playing him sha. Obviously, some people don’t appreciate the fact that it is a good thing for this government that Baba formally handed over to his deputy. It is the best demonstration of good faith so far.”
“They don’t read.” ”Cross River state is not part of Biafra” “Which map? The map drawn up by IPOB and MASSOB?”
“I have also seen comments by people from those states saying they are not part of Biafra and that they have no intention to leave Nigeria, and nobody should conscript them.”
Look. Let’s leave that matter. Have you seen anybody from outside Igboland supporting secession?”
“And who is that?” “A very good in-law.”
“My friend, can we talk about something else? FFK is an intellectual. Don’t insult him, my friend.”
“I didn’t like the way the Acting President was hugging and shaking hands with people when he visited Calabar. That is too dangerous. Anything could have happened to him. His security details should be queried. The man even collected vegetables from a market woman. His security was compromised.”