LEGAL HUMOUR
Two armed robbers tried to rob a lawyer’s club, but the lawyers put up such a fight the robbers had to flee. Once they made their getaway, they counted their loot. “There is good news and bad news.” said one robber to the other. “What you mean?” asked the other robber. “Well, the good news is we got away with 60 dollars.The bad news is, uh, we went there with 300 dollars. The lawyers have apparently robbed us.”
A dry cleaner was indicted with charges pressed for money laundering. A deal is being ironed out.
A lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a sheriff. He thinks he’s smarter, being a big shot lawyer from New York and has a better education than a sheriff from West Virginia. The sheriff asks for licence and registration. The lawyer asks, “What for?” The sheriff responds, “You didn’t come to a complete stop at the stop sign.” The lawyer says, “I slowed down and no one was coming.” “You still didn’t come to a complete stop. Licence and registration please,” said the sheriff impatiently. The lawyer says, “If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop, I’ll give you my licence and registration and you can give me the ticket. If not, you let me go and don’t give me the ticket.” The sheriff says, “That sounds fair, please exit your vehicle.” The lawyer steps out and the sheriff takes out his nightstick and starts beating the lawyer with it. The sheriff says, “Do you want me to stop or just slow down?”
A bank was robbed 3 times by the same bandit in the space of 2 months. After the 3rd raid, a senior detective was brought in to question the bank teller. “Have you noticed anything distinctive about the robber?” he asked. “There is one thing.” replied the teller. “Each time he shows up, he’s better dressed.”
A salesman was testifying against his wife in a divorce court. His lawyer said: “Please describe the incident that caused you to suspect your wife is unfaithful.” The husband replied: “I’m on the road all week, so naturally when I’m home I like to be with my wife. One Saturday morning we were in the middle of some very heavy sex. Then the old lady in the apartment next door pounded on the wall and yelled: “Can you at least stop all that noise on weekends?”