LEGAL HUMOUR
Three doctors are discussing which types of patients they prefer. Doctor Watson says, ”I prefer librarians. All their organs are alphabetised.” Doctor Fitzpatrick says, ”I prefer mathematicians. All their organs are numbered.” Doctor Ahn says, ”I prefer lawyers. They’re gutless, heartless, brainless, spineless, and their heads and rear-ends are interchangeable.”
Lawyer: “Would you mind telling the jury why you shot your wife with a bow and an arrow?” Defendant: “I didn’t want to wake up the children.”
A driver caught speeding was brought before a judge. The judge asked: “Will you take thirty days or a hundred dollars?” The defendant replied: “I think I’ll take the money.”
A lawyer is standing in a long line at the box office. Suddenly, he feels a pair of hands kneading his shoulders, back, and neck. The lawyer turns around. “What the hell do you think you’re doing?” “I’m a chiropractor, and I’m just keeping in practice while I’m waiting in line.” “Well, I’m a lawyer, but you don’t see me screwing the guy in front of me, do you?”
A Polish man married a Canadian girl after he had been in Canada a year or so, and although his English was far from perfect, the couple got on very well. One day, though, he rushed into a lawyer’s office and asked if he could arrange a divorce for him, “Very quick!” The lawyer explained that the speed of getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances, and asked these questions: LAWYER: “Have you any grounds?” POLE: “An acre and half, and a nice 3 bedroom house.” LAWYER: “No, I mean what is the foundation of the case?” POLE: “It is made of concrete, bricks & mortar.” LAWYER: “Does either of you have a real grudge?” POLE: “No, we have a carport and don’t need a grudge.” LAWYER: “I mean, what are your relations like?” POLE: “All my relations live in Poland.” LAWYER: “Is there any infidelity in your marriage?” POLE: “Yes, we have hi-fidelity stereo set & DVD player with 6.1 sound.” LAWYER: “No, I mean does your wife beat you up?” POLE: “No, I’m always up before her.” LAWYER: “Why do you want this divorce?” POLE: “She going to kill me!” LAWYER: “What makes you think that?” POLE: “I got proof.” LAWYER: “What kind of proof?” POLE: “She going to poison me. She buy bottle at drug store and I read label. It say Polish Remover.”