My Husband Was Ladies’ Man
Classy and sweet at 63; cosmopolitan and suave as a grandma; intuitive and cultural as a globetrotter, she exudes the charisma of an Amazon. With a life spent in the shadow of a loving father, she grew up to become one of Nigeria’s unsung heroines of the
My Life at a Glance ...
I’m married to Ambassador Keshi. We met at University of Ibadan. Long before that, I had known him – he was a sportsman. We dated, got married and now we have three children, four grandchildren and expecting many more. We are happily married. Young ones these days don’t want to have more than two children. In our days, we didn’t count children; we kept having till we can’t (have no more).
Professionally, my husband as a diplomat, made me experience the world. Because we were not allowed to work, I refused to be a sit-at-home wife and mom. The first eight years of my marriage, I followed him around to major continents of the world, and it exposed me to different cultures. Even though I wasn’t yet employed in the Culture Ministry, it was clear to me no culture is superior to the other.
We started the cultural experience in Togo, two hours by car. But the culture is different. The first time I didn’t remember to do my shopping, I dashed out by 12 o’clock to pick a few things and was shocked to learn they wouldn’t open till 2pm because like most French African countries, they go on break. The system shuts down between 12 to 2 pm so they go home to lunch or do whatever they want, and come back refreshed to take the rest of the day. It was strange to me. It was a small country and diplomatic community where everybody knew themselves and a fantastic place for us to start the diplomatic career. I think it was a good training ground for me as the wife of a diplomat because it helped me when I moved to other countries, I knew what I had to do. One thing I did was to look around for credible associations, integrate and mix with people.
My 40 Years of Romance...
We’ve been married for 40 years. I think it’s even the best part of my life because I’m 63. My husband is a politician and diplomat. He was a strong voice in students’ union politics. He has strong opinions. He calls a spade a spade; doesn’t condemn. He listens a lot to me, and I think those are the basic ingredients of a successful marriage. I know when to keep quiet as a woman. I thank God my children who‘ve been married are following our footsteps in terms of the relationship they have with their spouses and even their children. He’s a sports man, and was a ladies’ man with a strong following –mostly women. So, when he’s playing, you hear ‘Joe Keshi!’ They had a team that followed him, and I wasn’t cut out for that. So, I’d watch for a while and later either read a novel or would quietly leave. From day one, I made it clear when I told him, we were opposites and he said opposites attract. But when I saw he was persistent that he would want to spend the rest of his life with me, I looked at him and said let’s see how it goes. But I said, ‘What about the person you are dating? He said, ‘Who said I’m dating anyone? I’m a young man. I go to party, meet and dance with girls.’ I don’t like to party; so, he’d see me off and go partying.
In my life, growing up, my father was a strong force because my mother died when I was very young and he would constantly say, ‘Remember, whose child you are. You went to the University to get a degree, don’t come home with a husband. Bring the degree first.’ He was very strong in my life and so I could not date anybody until I was done with my degree. To date, my husband doesn’t like me saying we are opposite, yet we found a lot of common grounds between us. He gives his honest advice and I do the same, so we work well as a team. My husband and I grew up together, and whatever we have today, we both built together. I never had it like some women that their husbands were able to do everything, and I’m not envious of that. My husband is not a business person. He’s an 8 am -7 pm person. I support him and that’s how we saw our children through school. They didn’t get scholarship and we made sure they went to one of the best universities in the United States.
My Life as a Young Grandma..
It’s feels fantastic being a young grandma. It’s interesting being a grandmother. I don’t know what it is that makes me mellow down. My children look at me and say I didn’t allow them do any of the things I allow my grandchildren do. I say I will spoil them, you go and discipline them. I’m grandma and you are the parents. Unless it’s a very serious offence, then I can discipline. It’s so amazing the way children today know about everything. You can’t tell a lie to a child because they’ll Google it. They are more outspoken now than in our time. I do have a grandma and grandchildren time. We do a special activity where everybody must assemble. In December, we all come together and celebrate Christmas, Boxing Day, New Year. So far, I thank God it’s been going on for a long time. We play together; I encourage parents to spend time with each other so that the children will form a bond. I love my grandchildren and look forward to many more. It’s a culture that is well imbibed in Nigeria. Unfortunately, we don’t pay attention to that anymore. In African tradition and culture, everyone who is related to you by blood, is family. A lot of marriages didn’t collapse the way it’s happening now because the family unit was very strong with good orientation. Now, we are imbibing more of foreign western culture.