LEGAL HUMOUR
An attorney ran over to the office of his client. "I can't believe it!" said the angered attorney, "You sent a case of Dom Perignon to the judge in your case? That judge is as straight as an arrow. Now we're certain to lose this case!" "Relax," said the client, "I sent it in the prosecutor's name.
A defendant was asked if he wanted a bench trial or a jury trial. "Jury trial," the defendant replied. "Do you understand the difference?" asked the judge. "Sure," replied the defendant, "That's where twelve ignorant people decide my fate instead of one."
Your attorney and your mother-in-law are trapped in a burning building. You only have time to save one of them. Do you: (1) have lunch?, or (2) go to a movie?
George and Harry set out in a trans-Atlantic hot air balloon race. After 37 hours in the air and appearing lost, George offers, "We had better lose some altitude Harry so we can see exactly where we are." Hesitantly, Harry lets some hot air out of the balloon, and it begins to slowly descend below the cloud cover. Still confused as to their exact location George again offers, "I still can't tell where we are Harry, let's ask that gentleman down there on the ground." Harry yells down to the stranger, "Hey, Mister can you tell us where we are?" "You're in a balloon about 100 feet up in the air," came the reply. "That man must be a lawyer," George quipped. "How can you tell?" said Harry. "Because the answer he just gave us is 100% accurate and totally useless!"
A Mexican bandit made a specialty of crossing the Rio Grande from time to time, robbing banks in Texas. Finally, a reward was offered for his capture, DEAD or ALIVE! A trigger happy, young, enterprising Texas Ranger decided to track down the bandit on his own and collect the reward. After a lengthy search, the Ranger tracked the bandit to his favourite cantina and snuck up behind him. At the sound of the Ranger's guns cocking and preparing to fire, the surprised bandit sped around only to see both of the Ranger's six-shooters bearing down on him. The Ranger announced, "You're under arrest! Tell me where you hid the loot or I'll drop you where you stand," his finger becoming itchy on the trigger. However, the bandit didn't speak English and the Ranger didn't speak Spanish. Fortunately for the Ranger, a bilingual lawyer was present in the cantina and translated the Ranger's demand to the bandit. The terrified bandit blurted out, in Spanish, that the loot was buried next to an old oak tree behind the cantina. "What did he say, what did he say?", the Ranger hurriedly asked. To which the lawyer replied, "Well, the best I can make out he said ... DRAW