Monkey Tales and the Blood of Baboons
The propensity for drama in the animal farm of hyenas, jackals, and the lion king can be both exhausting and inexhaustible. Like George Orwell’s tellingly instructive allegory, the elite class of cabals in present-day Nigeria hums a tune that has proven to be without rhyme and reason. How they get the suffering and smiling masses to keep gyrating will perhaps require a study in citizens’ docility to unravel. While it is only fair to admit that there have been occasional flashes of wits and brains; it is sad to note that such brief spells are swiftly drowned in dins of brawns and brawls typical of the animal kingdom. The plot is strung in such way that the unending drama results in several tragic-comedic sub-plots that leave the audience (read citizens) flattered, flattened and flustered in a frustrating flip-flop of hailers versus wailers. That is the Nigerian story. A tale as Shakespeare put it, told by an idiot full of sound and fury signifying nothing.
The other day, Nigeria’s Senate abruptly adjourned plenary over a fire scare that sent shivers down the spine of Distinguished Senators. Even though the lawmakers have since resumed legislative duties, the chamber appears to be heated up still, albeit in a figurative sense. A sub-plot of the elite game is ensuring that.And this time, monkeys and snakes have been introduced as dramatis personae to spice up the show. The story in town for the past two weeks or so is that some mysterious snake swallowed thirty six million naira in cash in a government office in Makurdi, the Benue State capital. While a shellshocked nation is yet to come to terms with such bizarre narration, the hallowed chamber of Nigeria’s law-making institution unveiled a specie of monkeys that could only have come from the demented imagination of a sunken elite. In the middle of an unfolding political cross-fire that is already claiming casualties, we are suddenly told of how some brave monkeys made away with seventy million naira from a farm connected to a senator. The point being made in a silly show of shame appears to be that if slimy crawling creatures could swallow swathes of cash stashed in a supposedly safe house, then of course a smarter mammal should be able to do much better. However, it is not impossible that these animalistic heists may have been inspired by the daring raids of rodents in the office of the Commander-in-Chief some time ago. Recall that the rats were reported to have done extensive damage to the office of the President whilst he was away on medical tourism abroad. On return to the country, President Muhammadu Buhari had to work from home for months while repair works were being carried out by German multi-national, Julius Berger, which apparently stood by while the rats had a field day. The case about the rodents seems to be a closed one and perhaps should only be mentioned as one of the comic relief incidences in the odyssey of the lion king who returned from a journey to meet vital parts of his kingdom seized by rampaging hyenas and jackals. But just like the snake story which is being investigated by the authorities, we should expect that the monkey tale will be unraveled so that Nigerians can have a chance to fathom these new mysteries of the times.
That is perhaps the point Senator Shehu Sani who blew the whistle on Monkey-gate inadvertently made when he said, in reference to his colleague, that “it is very important that Distinguished Senator Abdullahi Adamu is allowed to protect and defend his integrity.” Sen. Adamu, a staunch supporter of President Buhari, had just been removed from his position as chairman of the Northern Senators Forum on grounds of corruption. Aterse announcement by Deputy President of the Senate, Ike Ekweremadu, who presided over plenary on Wednesday, said Adamu was removed based on a letter signed by Dino Melaye, the dramatic senator from Kogi and a dyed-in-the-wool foot soldier of the President of the Senate, Bukola Saraki. According to the letter, Adamu needed to go for engaging in financial mismanagement. “This is to inform the Senate that the majority signatories of members of the Northern Senators Forum have removed Sen. Abdullahi Adamu as chairman as chairman of the Northern Senators Forum for financial mismanagement and misadministration. We announce his replacement with Senator Aliyu Wamakko immediately. Find the attached names and signatories of members,” the letter read.
The letter however failed to echo what close watchers of events in the red chamber already knew: that Adamu, a former governor of Nassarawa State and three-time member of the Senate, had engaged in political mismanagement. He had crossed the red line and needed to be tackled headlong.And it seemed the lot fell on Sani to amplify the allegation against him and further distract attention from the political imperative that had just been recorded against the camp of President Buhari. Hear him: “There are things my colleagues will not say but I am not used to holding back. When we assumed office as Senators, Senator Ahmed Lawan tendered the sum of N70 million to the 8th Senate Northern Senators Forum as money gathered by Northern Senators of the 7th Senate. The rumours going round which I don’t know if it is true but I believe most senators know and are aware of allegations that some monkeys raided the farm house of some of the executives of the Northern Senators Forum and carted away some of this money.” For full effect, the senator, who is embroiled in a battle of wits with the governor of his home state in Kaduna, said: “I think this country is becoming a huge joke. First of all, it was the rodents that drove away the President then we had snakes consuming about N36 million and now we have monkeys. They don’t want this to be said but I believe we should be very clear.”
Sen. Adamu came to this pass for daring the gods of the Senate which appear to have drawn the battle line with the presidential wing of the cabal. The battle over the re-ordering of election sequence by the National Assembly which places the legislators at advantage over the President in 2019 is already drawing blood. But for a quick retreat and plea for mercy that he made, it would have also sucked in another casualty in the person of Ovie Omo-Agege, the senator representing Delta Central. The representative of the Urhobo nation in the Senate had jumped on the Buhari train led by Adamu to openly condemn and castigate the Senate for passing the amendment to the electoral act which effected the reordering of the elections. Little did he know that he was playing with fire and could be severely burnt if he did not beat a quick retreat. On Tuesday, the Senate resolved to investigate him for claiming that the Senate erred procedurally in passing the amendment which the Buhari camp stressed was aimed at derailing the yet-to-be-declared 2019 re-election bid of the President. Again, it was dramatic Dino Melaye who moved a motion that the Delta senator be hurled before the Ethics and Privileges Committee to substantiate his claim that 59 senators voted against the amendment. By Wednesday, Omo-Agege tucked his tail between his legs and pleaded for forgiveness from his colleagues at plenary. Hear him: “In the course of that debate, I did address the press at the press centre. Certain remarks I made in the course of that press interview, has been drawn to my attention to be offensive not just to Senator Dino Melaye but to the entire Senate. I rise today to apologize to the leadership and the entire Senate, I take it back.”
One thing is clear from events that played out in the Senate on Wednesday.And that is the fact that the Buhari camp in the Senate has been bloodied in the early build-up to 2019. It is only expected that there will be consequences and counter-consequences in a scheme of plots and counter-plots that will eventually define the outcomes of the impending general elections. No one knows how it will end for now but what is sure is that the political scene will witness some more casualties. In the combat of baboons, there are sure to be deep cuts and some of the combatants usually do not survive it.