LEGAL HUMOUR

A man was sent to Hell for his sins. As he was being taken to his place of eternal torment, he passed a room where a Lawyer was having an intimate conversation with a beautiful woman. “What a rip-off,” the man muttered. “I have to roast for all eternity, and that lawyer spends it with that gorgeous woman.” Jabbing the man with his pitchfork, the escorting demon snarled, “Who are you to question that woman’s punishment?”

Q: How does an Attorney sleep? A: First he lies on one side and then on the other.

Q: What’s the difference between an Accountant and a Lawyer? A: Accountants know they’re boring.

A man asks his Solicitor: ‘If I give you £400, will you answer two questions for me?’ The solicitor replies: Absolutely!‘ What’s the second question?’

An elderly man, 82, was told by his doctors that he didn’t have long to live. So he summons the three most important people in his life, his Doctor, his Priest and his Lawyer and says; “Well today I found out I don’t have long to live. So, I asked you three here, because you are the most important people in my life. And, I need to ask a favour. Today, I am going to give each of you an envelope with £50,000 in it. When I die, I would ask that all three of you, throw the money in my grave.”

Well a few days later, the man passed on, the Doctor said, “I have to admit I kept £10,000 of his money, he owed me lots of private medical bills. But, I threw the other £40,000 in.” The Priest said, “I have to admit also, I kept £25,000 for the church. It’s all going to a good cause. And I threw the rest in.”

The Lawyer just couldn’t believe what he was hearing, “I am surprised at you two. I wrote a cheque for the whole amount and threw it in“.