I have read this re­mark with trep­i­da­tion. As a man with loose lips, I have to be con­cerned. I have just read a speech given on be­half of MY Pres­i­dent at the con­vo­ca­tion cer­e­mony of the Univer­sity of Uyo al­lud­ing to the fact that hence­forth the fed­eral gov­ern­ment would no longer con­done hate speech peo­ple. The re­port went on to de­fine what could be termed as hate speech – in­cit­ing state­ments, in­sti­gat­ing civil dis­obe­di­ence, stir strife and riots amongst oth­ers. You see my lord, while I want to state cat­e­gor­i­cally that ac­cord­ing to this your def­i­ni­tion that I have never been in­volved in this hate speech and will never be in­volved in it, kindly note that ex­treme care must be taken to en­sure that your peo­ple at the DSS or other such won­der­ful or­ga­ni­za­tions do not use this as an ex­cuse to tram­ple on peo­ple’s

hu­man rights. You see I am not a lawyer but this your def­i­ni­tion is rid­dled with am­bi­gu­ity. Words could be in­ter­preted in so many ways de­pend­ing on the ob­jec­tive the in­ter­preter wants to achieve, so let’s be very very care­ful in go­ing through this route. You see I had once ad­vised you that as we get closer to the elec­tions you should start throw­ing up a softer im­age. All these warn­ings and pow­er­man show­ings will not re­ally help your mat­ter o. They would be and in­deed are be­ing in­ter­preted as at­tempts to mus­cle the op­po­si­tion. Right now you should em­bark on charm of­fen­sive, go­ing round the coun­try and hug­ging lit­tle ba­bies, do­ing nice photo shoot, ap­pear­ing in Wizskid videos, danc­ing Shaku shaku and that kind thing. All this wa­hala with rub­ber bul­lets, hate speech and bomb­ing loot­ers is just wors­en­ing our case. Mbok, how do I even get im­mu­nity from this hate speech force be­cause real fear is catch­ing me o?

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