MBOK, WHAT OF ABDULKAREEM?
Wait o, still on this matter, shebi na two revolutionaries we see in that video. The musician even dress better than Sowore with that his hairstyle that is looking like Lekki Ikoyi Bridge. That one was the one making all the mouth na, that we should all come out and abuse Buhari o. Yes o na him talk say that we can no longer sit down na. He is tall black with dark lips, he dress like Al Qaeda operative and was just rapping. You know say na rapper. But I was surprised that it was only one revolutionary that we have been told that has been carried. What led to this na abi na mistake or was it by quota? You know we have federal character representation in everything, from Super Eagles, to NTA broadcasters and now in revolution. Do we demand an explanation or do we just leave it and be watching? You see why it is good to be choosing your friends well. This Abdulkareem should voluntarily surrender himself na. In Shomolu when they arrested me for beating vulcanizer for spoiling my tyre, Duchess a woman o came to the station and asked to be put behind the counter beside her knight in shining armor. But me, by that time, I had seen a very beautiful light skinned suspect who had slapped her landlord. I had already convinced her that I was a human rights crusader and that it was IBB that personally brought me there himself. I told her I was so dangerous that them Gani Fawehinmi dem were students beside me. In fact she was so happy that we were in detention at the same time. So you can imagine my chagrin when I saw Duchess there standing and asking to be detained with me. I beg police not to agree o. That one sef, as she see the beautiful woman insist that she cannot be separated from her husband. Police free me o, that I should carry my wahala go. So you see why I am just looking at this loudmouth, now he don push the poor boy Sowore into wahala, he don run leave am now o. Mbok, anybody that know that musician should advise him to immediately go surrender himself in solidarity and if for whatever reason his name is not there, he should just sit in front of the office till dem release him co-star. Nollywood revolutionaries. These ones have not started.
WHAT IS A REVOLUTION?
Well this is a very simple question. Since Sowore and his runaway partner dropped that video, I have been inundated by Nigerian busybodies looking for who they will push into DSS wahala to kindly explain what revolution is. You see I know the answer very well but before I say it here, let me state very quickly that all these people calling and asking me to write about revolution or talk about it should just know that my father Elder Sammy Nyong Edgar died almost ten years ago leaving my mother Deaconess Inyang Ibok Edgar a widow. This has made my career in revolution and protest minimalist. Furthermore, I have children and school fees are crazy and if anything happen to me nobody will remember that their father was a great revolutionary. So you will kindly bear with me when I take my time to define revolution or anything near it. You see I have also written to the DPO of Shomolu Police Station as a law abiding citizen to give me the permission to define it and explain it to all of you and till I get his clearance in writing and copy all sector Commanders of DSS and LASTMA whose job it will be to clear the road for them to take me away, I will not talk. Please leave me alone, the person that paid my school fees has died and as such I do not owe anybody. The last person wey talk about revolution, he dey eat beans now somewhere. Me I cannot survive one day without Afang. Instead of talking about revolution, let’s talk about the joys of a well-made afang soup with all the delicacies inside while also joining in the continuous debate of which swallow is better with Afang – fufu or pounded yam. I am on the fufu side o. Revolution ko, revolting ni. Mbok, leave me o.
YARI MUST ‘ YARI
He used to be the Executive Governor of Zamfara State. Well, I fell in love with him the day I saw him on TV daring someone I think Oshiomhole to step into Zamfara, using the kinds of words we use in Shomolu to threaten someone when we know clearly that we do not have the powers or resources to go into the fight: ‘if dem born your papa well, cross this line’ and the statement used to be accompanied with a drawing across the sand to mark out the no-go area. So you can imagine my excitement when I saw the governor of faraway Zamfara who to the best of my knowledge never came near Shomolu use the exact same words on national TV. ‘If dem born dem well…. he bellowed and I shouted my man. Kai, childhood so beautiful. Uche my late friend will scream at the top of his Igbo voice, if dem born your papa well cross this line and then Ikpo and Nnana would quickly draw the line waiting for Rasaki and his boys including the almost fearless Dauda on the other side of the divide weighing their options. Well today, dem don born EFCC papa well and they have crossed the line o. They have raided and they have allegedly told us some mind-boggling things so the ball is in the court of Yari to Yari. He must yari o because those days, once they draw that line you must cross and take the punishment like a man. I used to respect Rasaki a lot as he would cross and receive the pounding of his life. But he will stand and take it courageously earning the respect of his ‘enemies’ such that when the fight was now between our street – Okuyiga and the other street, Adebiyi that was multinational, they had prostitutes drawn from all over the country including neighbouring African countries whose children joined in the fight. So we had to move with full strength, so we too built our own coalition forces drafting Rasaki and Dauda to the battle ground. They will beat us