LEGAL HUMOUR

Liar Liar

As a potential juror in an assault-and-battery case, I was sitting in a courtroom, answering questions from both sides. The Assistant District Attorney asked such questions as: Had I ever been mugged? Did I know the victim or the defendant?

The defence Attorney took a different approach, however. “I see you are a Teacher,” he said. “What do you teach?” “English and Theatre,” I responded. “Then I guess I better watch my grammar,” the defence Attorney quipped.

“No,” I shot back. “You better watch your acting.”

When the laughter in the courtroom died down, I was excused from the case.

Not So Humble

I was once a legal secretary, to a young law clerk who passed the Bar exam on his third try. This fledgling Attorney worked hard on his initial pleading, which should have read “Attorney at Law” at the top of the first page.

After I submitted the finished document for his review and signature, I was embarrassed when he pointed out a critical typing error. “Must you rub it in?” he asked.

I had typed: “Attorney at Last”

Tough Punishment

I was a brand-new Attorney in Practice alone, and I had a likewise inexperienced Secretary fresh out of High School. The importance of proofreading the results of my dictation was highlighted one day, when a reminder to a client’s tenant to pay her rent or suffer eviction was transcribed as follows: “You are hereby notified that, if payment is not received within five business days, I will have no choice but to commence execution proceedings”.