Lizzy: Remembering a loving and caring wife

It took me two weeks after the death of my wife, Mrs Elizabeth Ozohu Abdullahi (nee Bello) for me to commit my innermost thoughts in my diary. I started writing in my diary after her death as a way of unloading my thoughts and my diary became my confidant. I still find it difficult to believe that Lizzy, which was my pet name for her, my loving, ever faithful wife and confidant, has passed to the great beyond. I can’t believe that I would never see her again, hold her, talk to her, behold her gentle smile and do so many things with her again. Lizzy is gone just like that without any opportunity to properly say our good byes.

Looking back, her journey to the great beyond started in the early hours of April 22, 2016 when I woke up to discover that she had been battling with a severe case of stomach ache. She told me that the pain had been on throughout the night but in her usual consideration for the feelings of others she had restrained herself from waking me up to take her to the hospital during the night. I became alarmed later when after taking her to the clinic where she was the head nurse (matron), she was referred to Limi Hospital, Abuja for further treatment. At the hospital she was diagnosed with a condition called Intestinal Obstruction. The doctors in their wisdom decided to do an evacuation of the obstruction, though she had immediate relief after the procedure was carried out. Although some other opinions even before her death said she should have undergone surgery. However, her condition deteriorated and she had to be referred again to the National Hospital, Abuja where she eventually died in the early hours of April 30, 2016. Even though she was in serious pains when she was being transferred to the National Hospital, on April 29, 2016, she never neglected her good manners by thanking the hospital staff for the care given to her. That image of her will forever remain engrained in my heart.

The worst thing that can happen to anybody is to lose a spouse, especially a wife as it happened to me. Sometimes I wondered if there was something I could have done differently during the period of her brief sickness. I also wondered whether she was a victim of mismanagement or wrong treatment protocol. However, after all said and done, I concluded that only God knows best. God knows why I had to lose her now, why she had to leave me with three children. At the end of the day, I thank God for her life because the little time she spent with me, she impacted so much on me and our children that we still live our lives by how it was when she was alive. She was so loving, caring, peaceful and very understanding. With her gentle smiles always, she was never ruffled by any situation but believes in committing all situations to prayers. Due to the nature of my job, I was not always around but she helped me to build a peaceful home that passeth all understanding for those who knew our religious and ethnic differences. She was a Christian and I am a Muslim. She was an Ebira and I am an Oworo in the same Kogi State. We never had issues and she helped me to bring up well-mannered children that are today my source of joy and consolation.

As attested to by many who knew her, she had a pleasant personality and was considered a gem in the clinic where she In the family, she was described metaphorically by a family member as a midfielder who always maintained balance between my nuclear, the extended and her own family worked by staff and patients alike. She had a listening ear and was always willing to help that people always leave satisfied. In the family, she was described metaphorically by a family member as a midfielder who always maintained balance between my nuclear, the extended and her own family. She did it so well that she was well loved by all in the family who regarded her as a confidant. She was the unofficial record keeper of the family, she usually remembers the birthday, wedding anniversary and other important days in the lives of family members and friends.

As they say you never know the value of something until you lose it. However, I knew the value of my wife when she was alive because she was my shield against the world, gave me confidence to face the challenges and always encouraged me and the children. Her motto always was that “the situation could have been worse and we should give thanks to God all the time.” I felt so devastated and vulnerable that I realized what it meant to lose a better half. I thank God for her life. I pray to Allah to forgive her and grant her eternal rest in the bosom of the Lord. May Allah forgive, protect, nourish and strengthen me and the children she left behind. I take solace on the fact that I have my children and we console and comfort each other. May Allah in his infinite mercy preserve my children, grant them long life, success in their education and career as well as a God fearing, loving husbands who will take care of them and make them happy. As for me, may Allah continue to protect, prosper and guide me unto the right path. Maryam’s poem succinctly captured the

feeling of the children and myself: I don’t have much to say But thank you for the love you showed us everyday It’s been hard living without you But I know you’re watching over us The love you showed Is the glue holding us together in your absence We miss you dearly Most days we feel very lost Wondering why we had to lose you But then we remember what you always said “Everything happens for a reason, God knows best” You would say we should thank God that it could have been worse You always had faith in God You taught us the same That in good times and in bad We should never forget to praise God’s name We lucked out when God blessed us with you You were the best of us all And you gave us the best of you We love you Mummy And we know you love us too Rest in perfect peace Mummy Not looking forward to the years without you