The psychology of relationship addiction
Addiction is a complex behaviour characterised by an intense desire for the substance which eventually becomes the centre of one’s life to the point that work and relationships are ignored for the pursuit of the addicted substances. When hearing the term addiction, one would probably think of drugs, alcohol, or even coffee yet recent psychological studies showed that addictive behaviour includes other aspects of life such as food, internet, gaming, gambling and even bodybuilding.
Nearly all addictions are linked to biochemical reactions occurring within the brain. Compounds such as dopamine, oxytocin, vasopressin, and serotonin (known as the happiness hormones) are responsible for the development of trust, feelings of pleasure, experienced by the individual when performing the addiction.
Recent research added a new form of addiction known as relationships addiction or pathological love.
Like a person in the early stages of drug use, people addicted to relationships tend to experience intense pleasure, satisfaction, and euphoria at the start of the relationship and then become preoccupied with these experiences, showing signs of dependence like “increased amounts of the behaviour to achieve the desired emotional effect”— in this case, “increased time spent in love-seeking.”
This can be in the form of over-texting or wanting to spend more time with the person they are addicted to or even fantasising about having a conversation with them.
Some love addictions do not involve sexual feelings and can occur among people from the same gender.
A person with relationship addiction craves being with a particular person and feels anxious if he or she does not hear from them or meet them, hides them from friends and family, becomes obsessively thinking about them and is unable to leave them alone even if he tries.
The thrill and excitement one gets from being in a new relationship may lead the person to seek multiple partners at the same time so if one of them loses interest there are others to replace him/her.
A relationship addict is unable to be alone and keeps jumping in and out of different relationships, regardless of the impact at times remaining in unstable and abusive relationships despite the arguments, betrayal and emotional pain because s/he fears rejection or being alone. Psychological theories suggest that repressed trauma from early childhood or having emotionally unavailable parents may be linked to relationship addiction.
When evaluating a person with relationship addiction we need to consider the possibility that such behaviour is linked to other mental health disorders such as obsessive-compulsive disorder, impulse-control disorders, and mood disorders.
Psychological intervention to help someone with relationship addiction includes cognitivebehavioural therapy which focuses on challenging distorted thoughts about love, while psychodynamic therapy addresses attachment difficulties that may be related to early childhood experiences.
Finally, there is no better way to conclude an article about love and addiction than citing Shakespeare who said “If you love and get hurt, love more; if you love more and hurt more, love even more; if you love even more and get hurt even more, love some more until it hurts no more.”
LIKE A PERSON IN THE EARLY STAGES OF DRUG USE, PEOPLE ADDICTED TO RELATIONSHIPS TEND TO EXPERIENCE INTENSE PLEASURE, SATISFACTION, AND EUPHORIA AT THE START OF THE RELATIONSHIP AND THEN BECOME PREOCCUPIED WITH THESE EXPERIENCES