ETIQUETTE 101

Thoughtfulness and courtesy are virtues. They reflect one’s sense of propriety and good breeding.

One of the most exasperating traits of the Pinoy is his cavalier attitude regarding a basic rule of etiquette. For some strange reason, some people seem to be allergic to intimidated by the simple request “RSVP.”

An invitation to a business or social function usually has the following words: “Repondez s’il vous plait” or “Please respond.” The invitee is requested to reply YES or No. To ignore or dismiss the RSVP note could mean any of the following:

• Busy schedule

• Ignorance

• Indifference

• Rudeness/Bad manners

• Self-importance

• All of the above

Planning an event is hazardous to the organizer/ host’s mental and physical health. Worries about the guest list can cause ulcers and insomnia. Not to mention fits of anxiety an aggravation.

Very Important people and guests should refrain from doing any of the following:

1) Not responding to an invitation promptly.

2) Confirming attendance but not showing up.

3) Sending a proxy without prior notice particularly for a formal event.

4) Arriving very late for the affair.

In polite society, one is expected to show courtesy and good manners. There is no excuse for rudeness.

Dismissing a simple RSVP request reveals one’s lack of breeding. No matter how important or busy one is, he should take time to respond. It is good form.

To illustrate, let us observe the diplomatic scene.

At a gala dinner hosted by an Ambassador for a trade delegation, the RSVP situation was awkward. Several government officials (who had earlier confirmed their attendance) did not turn

up. After a long wait of more than 30 minutes, the meal began. The head table was half-full. At the last minute, place cards were switched and seating arrangements had to scrambles. The VIP guests were shuffled to fill the gaps.

Throughout the ordeal, the affable host and hostess kept their cool and smiled. The guests at the head table could only empathize with the host because the situation happens frequently in the Philippines.

Sad to say, the culprits were public officials who, for various reasons, confirmed the attendance but did not show up. Granted there may have been emergencies, the least theory assistants or aides cold have done as to notify the host and make the necessary excuses.

Forewarned the host can make discreet switches in a seamless manner.

The disregard for protocol seems to afflict many people — regardless of position and status.

Despite meticulous planning by expert organizers, an event becomes a nightmare when the guest of honor cancels at the eleventh hour. Or when some participants fail to arrive.

At a regional conference, the foreign delegates were surprised by the last- minute cancellation of a much awaited guest speaker at a plenary session. Because he could not leave the head office due to a political problem, his counterpart guest speaker from another country also cancelled. ( For reasons of protocol.)

The efficient organizers were fortunate to produce competent, well-admired speakers as substitutes. The event went smoothly.

At the closing dinner celebration, however, only 150 delegates confirmed attendance. Arrangements for the lavish affair held at a distant beach resort were made for 250 guests. However, 550 foreign and local delegates arrived at the buffet dinner. Additional dish were ordered. Guests were given plastic utensils and cardboard plates.

The wonderful ambiance and entertainment made up for the logistical shortcomings. The party became a roaring success.

On the case of weddings, the anxiety of the bridal couple and their parents is exacerbated by the uncertainty of the attendees. When guests do not respond, organizer can only guess the head count. If there is an abundant overflow of guests, the celebration would turn chaotic.

Cocktail receptions are comparatively easy to manage, Head count is not critical because banquet arrangements are easily adjusted to accommodate a sudden swell. The point to remember? Thoughtfulness and courtesy are virtues. They reflect one’s sense of propriety and good breeding.

MARIA VICTORIA RUFINO is an artist, writer and businesswoman. She is president and executive producer of Maverick Productions. mavrufino @gmail.com