If Duterte had ad-libbed his SONA

Was Duterte sick or something?

President Rodrigo Duterte has just delivered the traditional State of the Nation Address and folks are amazed that, (1) it was relatively short, (2) he stuck to the written speech and, (3) he did not ad-lib or swear.

While his supporters may be happy about this, they really should have cause to worry, because the President of the Philippines was not himself — we mean, his usually profane, barumbado,

bastos, funny, and memorable self (this SONA may go down in the books as forgettable).

It’s like seeing a usually rambunctious and noisy child suddenly becoming quiet and well- mannered. A parent usually worries when something like that happens.

Was Duterte sick or something? Or has he finally gotten tired of being head of the nation and longs to go back to his comfort zone in Davao?

At any rate, those of us who have been following Duterte’s speeches and public pronouncements are convinced that he may have been finally intimidated by Mayor Sara Duterte (“You better behave or I’ll send you back to Davao, you hear???”) and had agreed to act presidential.

But what we can’t help speculating on is what he would have ad-libbed, if Duterte had not been muzzled and virtually locked into his prepared speech.

Here are a few excerpts, based strictly and purely on speculation and on past experience (the adlibs are in parenthesis):

STATE OF THE NATION ADDRESS BY PRESIDENT DUTERTE

Kindly sit down. Thank you for your courtesy. ( Daghang salamat sa inyong tanan.)

Senate President Vicente Sotto III and the members of the Senate ( Uyyy, Tito I saw you on Eat Bulaga, ang galing mong comedian… mag- comedy ka na lang); House Ex- Speaker Pantaleon Alvarez ( Sinabi na sa iyo, huwag mong babanggain si Sara) and the members of the House of Representatives; Ex-Vice President Maria Leonor Robredo ( Nasa’n si Bongbong?); Former Presidents Fidel V. Ramos, Joseph Ejercito Estrada, and Speaker Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo ( Sabi nga ni MacArthur, “I shall return!”); His Excellency Gabriele Caccia and the esteemed members of the diplomatic corps; Executive Secretary Salvador Medialdea and the members of the Cabinet; Acting Chief Justice Antonio Carpio and the justices of the Supreme Court; my fellow workers in government; mga kababayan.

About two years ago, I solemnly took my oath as a worker of the national government. I was as inspired to institute real changes for the greater good of the Filipino people, as I was greatly overwhelmed then by the daunting challenges that lay ahead. ( Tanong ko sa sarili ko… putang ina, kaya ko ba ito? Aaah, basta bahala na si Batman!)

Two years later, my solid commitment to directly and decisively address our nation’s collective challenges remains ( Sumulong ng kaunti, pero umurong din…putang ina, mahirap palang maging president). It has not wavered. In truth, it has even gotten stronger through adversity and the desire to give the people the most we can, within my term in this government ( Pero, sa tutoo lang… kulang talaga ang six-year term para ma- solve ang mga putang inang problema ng bayan!).

Let me begin by putting it bluntly: the war against illegal drugs is far from over ( Akala ko

makakayanan ng six months…iyon

pala maski six years, hindi pa rin kaya!). Where before, the war resulted in the seizure of illegal drugs worth millions of pesos, today, they run [into] billions in peso value. I can only shudder at the harm that those drugs could have caused had they reached the streets of every province, city, municipality, barangay and community throughout the country.

This is why the illegal drugs war will not be sidelined. Instead, it will be as relentless and chilling, if you will, as on the day it began. These drug dealers know fully well that their business is against the law. They know the consequences of their criminal acts, especially when caught in flagrante delicto and they violently resist arrest. They know that illegal drugs waste away lives, dysfunctionalize families

(Ooppps… mabigat yatang terminology iyan… pinahihirapan ako

ng putang inang speech writer) and ruin relationships. They know that once hooked, addicts will die slowly — slow deaths. And yet, they persist in doing what they do, oblivious to the terrible harm that they cause to the people and communities.

And when illegal drug operations turn nasty and bloody, advocates of human rights lash at — and pillory — our law enforcers and this administration to no end. Sadly, I have yet to hear really howls of protest from the human rights advocates and church leaders against drug- lordism, drug dealing and drug pushing as forceful and vociferous as the ones directed against the alleged errant [ law] enforcers in the fight against this social scourge ( Gusto

niyo, kayo ang mag- take over…

tingnan natin kung hindi rin kayo pumatay ng tao!).

If you think that I can be dissuaded from continuing this fight because of [ your] demonstrations, your protests, which I find, by the way, misdirected, then you got it all wrong ( Putang ina!). [applause]

Your concern is human rights, mine is human lives. [applause] The lives of our youth are being wasted and families are destroyed, and all because of the chemicals called shabu, cocaine, cannabis, and heroine ( At saka, Fentanyl at opioid, pero huwag na nating pag-usapan iyan).

Human rights to me means giving Filipinos, especially those at the society’s fringes, a decent and dignified future through the social and physical infrastructures necessary to better their lives. The lives and freedoms and

the hard-earned property of every Filipino whose condition we wish to improve shall be protected from criminals, terrorists, corrupt officials, and traffickers [of ] contrabands.(Haaa? Okay ba?)

You worry about the present; I am concerned [ about] both the present and the future. [applause] I worry about the future because I know what crimes can do to the youth of this country. If not stopped, crimes can make human cesspools of succeeding generations. I will not allow it to happen. Not during my term ( Putang ina nilang lahat!). [applause] Time and again, I have stressed that corruption must stop. [ applause] Corruption is like a leech that it bleeds the government of funds programmed for its infrastructure and other social development projects. It saps the morale or the morale of dedicated

and honest government workers ( Pero, anak ng tinapay, kung ang mga botante, hingi nang hingi ng pampalibing pang-matrikula, pang- ospital, pampakasal, na akala mo bangko ang politiko, paanong hindi mapipilitang magnakaw???).

Corruption destroys those who succumb to its temptation and eventually it is the innocent who will suffer and bear its horrible consequences ( Haaa?? Okay ba??? Ang galing ng speech writer… parang tutoo!).

The love of money is corrosive. And sadly, the desire to make the easy kind by being imaginative and manipulative, corrupts absolutely. Stolen wealth does not make the thief respectable. Neither will the trappings of wealth mask [nor] cap the stink that thievery exudes. One day, justice will catch up with those who steal government

funds. And when that day comes, it will be the public who will have its retribution (Overacting na yata

ang putang inang speech writer… pambobola na ito!).

( I better stop reading this

speech. Ipa- distribute ko na lamang sa inyo ang kopya. Nandiyan ang detalye na mga economic programs at iba pa. Basahin niyo na lang. Pero ang speech na ito…parang hindi ako ito. Hindi mukhang sincere at halatang gawa- gawa lamang nina Roque at Andanar.)

( Daghang salamat sa inyong tanan!) n