Are there any questions?

IT IS A REVERED TRADITION in journalism to field questions to political news subject (or his spokesperson) in an open format. The press conference, like its corporate equivalent the investors’ briefing, pits the questioners on one side against the personalities on the stage. Usually, a designated moderator picks the next to ask. (Please approach the microphone and state your name and reputation as a pest.)

Corporations with proactive HR heads have embraced the press conference format and transformed it into the townhall meeting. This effort to involve the rank-and-file (no longer the preferred term for employees who prefer to be called stakeholders) in the change process is gaining ground. For large corporations with far-flung offices, the townhall includes video participation (sometimes with glitchy audio) of those not physically present in the venue—sorry I can’t hear your question although your facial expression seems to register disgust and the urge to vomit.

Townhall meetings usually deal with contentious issues like transfer of head office to a distant location with no easy transport links; or the reduction of headcount with the advent of artificial intelligence. (And, is your intelligence genuine, Sir?) The opportunity for peasants to ask questions of revered personalities on the stage can be stressful to the respondents, even when they are ready with their talking points, which they carefully weave into any answers they give. Message discipline is important.

Here are some things to expect from the questions on the floor, and suggested responses.

The first question is planted and intended not just to get the meeting going, but to start it on a friendly note—Sir, you look fantastic in your tucked-out shirt which covers your big belly. (A nod is sufficient for this one, in the direction of the organizer—I’ll get you for this.)

Personal grievances which no one is prepared for are always brought out in these big meetings—I have been with the company for twenty years and have yet to qualify for a performance bonus; who decides these matters? (We will consider your situation after this meeting, as well as your employment status.)

The easiest questions to answer touch on the details of the controversial program being implemented—will there be a transportation allowance given for the office transfer? (Shuttle buses will be provided in the morning at 4AM from our old office to the new one.)

There will also be irrelevant questions not germane to the meeting at hand—where will the office Christmas party be this year? (This is still being discussed. We will send out emails on the details. You will be the last to know.)

The object of a townhall meeting is to soothe ruffled feathers, and maybe quell a rebellion. It is an escape valve for frustrations. The answers don’t always address the questions to anyone’s satisfaction. But it is sometimes enough to allow certain concerns to be aired.

Political subjects with falling survey numbers are sometimes advised by their communications group to announce an “important speech” to the nation followed by questions from the press afterwards. This kind of suggestion is often greeted with undisguised contempt, like being asked to be a contestant for “Best-looking Grandmother over 80.” (Is there a swimsuit portion?)

Maybe an alternative format can be devised? Can the questions be fed and the answers scripted, complete with applause lines and clever sound bites?

Event planners for weddings and milestone birthdays have discovered an alternative to toasts to the celebrants. A well-known TV host is invited to conduct a personality interview on stage with the celebrant which is videotaped (and later edited) as a souvenir of the event. The “interview” is intended to make the subject more interesting than he is in real life—Sir, why are you described as having the personality of a potted plant? (The reference must be to the plant life in “The Little Shop of Horrors”.)

When this charm offensive of being interviewed by a hired hand or subordinate is applied to real news subjects, it comes across as fake news. The whole exchange of questions and answers is described as a comedy sketch that is not intended to be funny. Still, it does invite laughter, or is that ridicule? Maybe, it doesn’t matter.

The object of a townhall meeting is to soothe ruffled feathers, and maybe quell a rebellion. It is an escape valve for frustrations. The answers don’t always address the questions to anyone’s satisfaction. But it is sometimes enough to allow certain concerns to be aired.

President and Chief Executive Officer

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