Happy No Year!

“

Well, af ter listening to him, I decided that, heck, what would New Year’s Eve be in the Philippines without these quirky customs?

Filipinos have so many peculiar customs for the celebration of New Year’s Eve. There’s jumping high at the stroke of midnight on 31 December, lighting firecrackers to scare off evil spirits, wearing polka-dotted clothes, etcetera, etcetera.

A pragmatic friend of mine, around the middle part of December last year, while we were having dinner to celebrate the success of the premiere night of my movie “Mamasapano,” told me that he made a practical analysis of all these traditions and superstitions and said that he has concluded that they were all poppycock and should be abandoned.

For instance, he said that jumping repeatedly at midnight, especially for a middle-aged person such as I, would not only not result in an increase in my height (which he said was now scientifically proven impossible), but would increase the risk of ankle and knee injury, or foot fracture.

Igniting firecrackers, said he, may also potentially result in serious physical trauma, as well as an asthma attack if a person is so medically predisposed. Eating delicacies made of sticky rice, on the other hand, which is supposed to symbolize the strengthening of familial and friendly bonds, might induce a sugar spike and give you a hyperglycemic shock. The same goes for eating noodles, he said, as the carbohydrates would make one fat and therefore unhealthy.

He also cautioned against eating ham and cheese, or even lechon and other rich foods on New Year’s Eve, as these cholesterol-laden treats could give one arteriosclerosis and quite possibly, a stroke or heart disease. He also warned me against collecting coins for jiggling around in your pocket, as the Covid-19 virus may be spread through money, citing medical data showing that the deadly virus could stay alive on metal surfaces for up to twenty hours.

As for turning on all the lights, my friend said that the extra load on a house’s electrical system — specifically one that has not been refurbished in five or more years — may considerably heighten the risk of fire or, at least, a blown fuse that may cause great inconvenience to family and guests as you struggle to fix it.

Even if that did not happen, the high cost of electricity may cause one to get shocked when he gets his electric bill in the future. And keeping the windows open supposedly to let good luck in, may encourage criminals of the akyat bahay variety to invade your home, steal your belongings and even hurt family members.

My friend also intoned that tooting horns in place of firecrackers carries its own risks. He said that the way these noisemakers are constructed makes them fertile breeding grounds for germs of all shapes and sizes, some of which may cause deadly diseases.

My friend also gave me the caveat that the tradition of settling all debts before 31 December may also drain you financially, so much so that your financial projections for the coming year may be irretrievably derailed.

Lastly, he bewailed the tradition of not cleaning the house on New Year’s Day itself, lest you throw out good luck along with the dirt. What if you had guests over who has Covid? What if the food spoils in your ref? And he said that it was okay to spend money on 1 January, contrary to the “pamahiin”, since malls always have post-holidays sales of up to fifty percent off.

Well, after listening to him,

I decided that, heck, what would

New Year’s Eve be in the Philippines without these quirky customs?

So, I did them all, and with abandon and aplomb, never mind if they were illogical.

As for my friend, I didn’t invite him to the party, and he spent New Year’s alone in his house, drinking by himself in the dark. No Happy New Year for him.

“

Igniting firecrackers, said he, may also potentially result in serious physical trauma, as well as an asthma attack.