The Internet and this nasty monster called parent shaming
Social media has been feeding it, driving parents nuts, breaking moms’ hearts, and it has got to stop now
It’s been around for decades. Parents have been hearing mean comments and enduring criticism from relatives, friends, and worst even strangers. So many mothers over the past decades have lost sleep over a mean remark about her parenting and their children. Subtle or outright, it doesn’t matter. Parent shaming remarks are all designed to make parents feel awful about their choices. And this nasty practice has been around for ages.
THE BEASTS OF SOCIAL MEDIA
As if it’s not enough that they’re juggling a career with motherhood or is stuck at home with four rambunctious children, all while making sure the house is habitable. Parent-shamers feel it necessary to tell these struggling parents that they’re doing it wrong, they’re overdoing it, or they’re just not doing their jobs as parents at all—as if they can really take over and do things themselves.
These days, in the age of the Internet and social media, parent shaming with all its usual nastiness has adapted and evolved into this huge disgusting monster that prowls the dark alleys of the web, lurking and waiting for the next victim. As soon as parentshamers learned the ease and convenience of using social media and posting comments, they have sat in front of their computers waiting for the perfect opportunity to spew their vitriol.
The net is replete with articles about parenting, blog posts, and Facebook updates written by tired parents who just want to blow some steam off by sharing their frustrations. Which make them easy target for parent-shamers online who can’t seem to keep themselves busy with more productive endeavors. Remarks range from the subtle to the epic like “What kind of parent would [insert what ever minor mistake the parent did that this parentshamer would like exaggerate]” or “So many stupid parents these days!”
It’s so easy to be all high and mighty and step, no, make that trample on struggling parents when they’re behind a computer, typing and spreading their poison. Even the ever so innocent picture of parents and their cute babies posted on Instagram sometimes go under attack. Eagleeyed shamers have their own built in filters that will never miss details, little clues proving how inept this mother or father is at parenting.
Social media culture has fed this monster with more parents to ridicule, criticize, shame, and bully. And it’s getting bigger, bolder, and hungrier. Celebrities aren’t the only targets of parent shaming. Even non-celebrities are put on the spotlight, because for this monster everyone is fair game.
Because of this, parents have chosen to cower in fear of online criticism. They suffer in silence alone, afraid to reach out and ask questions because they don’t want to be branded “silly” or worse, “stupid.” They’re afraid to go out there and admit that they’re struggling or haven’t figured out things yet because they’re imagining what people would say.
MONSTERS IRL
And this phenomenon doesn’t just happen online. Parents still experience this the traditional way— in person, in your face, worse in the presence of your young impressionable children.
You might be “friends” with one or met one, a stranger, who while you’re child was throwing the most epic tantrum, thought it be the most opportune moment to tell you: “Nasa pagdisiplina kasi yan (It’s how you discipline your child),” or “Kulang sa disiplina (Your child lacks discipline),” and worse “Ano bang klaseng
nanay ‘yan? (What kind of a mother are you?)” As if those three short minutes of your kid rolling on the floor summarizes the entirety of your parenting.
Shamers miss the fact that these meltdowns and the few moments you spend embarrassed, not knowing what to do, are just a tiny part of a big picture. They don’t see you losing sleep watching over your little angel at 4 a.m. while he’s running a fever. They don’t see you working ‘till midnight to pay for your kids’ tuition. They don’t hear you talk to your kid about life, love, compassion, and understanding. They don’t see any of that.
All they see is this confused mother pleading for her child to get off the floor. Who cares if she hasn’t eaten a thing since this morning because she didn’t have time for that? Who cares if this woman is on the verge of having her own meltdown due to all the pressures coming from everywhere? All parent-shamers see is an irresponsible, lazy, parent who doesn’t know how to discipline her child.
Is parent-shaming clear evidence of human nature? That we like stepping on people, stomping on them, burying them to the ground while we’re at it, all while they’re down and out? I hope not. With hope, this monster, this abominable monster created by people’s need to feel superior over others can still be stopped.
Parent shaming remarks are all designed to make parents feel awful about their choices. And this nasty practice has been around for ages.