Mindfully yours

It allows us to see clearly whatever is happening in our lives, respond intentionally rather than blindly react, then make a better, conscious choice.

2017-11-04 - By REGINA G. POSADAS

Find out how mindfulness can improve how you parent and relate to your teen

Do you want to have a better, healthier, less stressful relationship with your teenager? The kind where you two can converse calmly, listen to each other, and resolve issues amicably instead of being hypercritical, yelling, and biting each other’s heads off? Then practice mindfulness, advised psychologist and Ateneo professor Dr. Cara

Fernandez during her parenting seminar “Building Connections from the Inside, Out” held at the Ateneo de Manila University in Quezon City.

But what exactly is mindfulness and what does it entail?

Dr. Fernandez, who is also the director of the Ateneo Bulatao Center for Psychological Services, defined it as “the awareness that emerges through paying attention in a particular way—on purpose, in the present moment, and non-judgmentally—to things as they are. It allows us to see clearly whatever is happening in our lives, respond intentionally rather than blindly react, then make a better, conscious choice.”

To be mindful, you must do the following:

• Understand how the brain works and, in this case, your teen’s inclinations as well.

Do you wonder why teens are often emotional, angry, or moody? Well, it’s because their pre-frontal cortex or thinking brain is not fully developed yet. What is very much in charge is their amygdala or emotional brain, said Dr. Fernandez. “Without mindfulness, we (parents) emotionally react and let our amygdala dominate, too. With mindfulness, what happens is we transfer brain energy to the prefrontal cortex or the part of the brain that thinks and reasons and is thoughtful. The brain learns to use new pathways,” she explained.

If it angers or upsets you that your child prefers to hang out more with her friends than with family members and that she is almost always online and glued to her gadget, keep these facts in mind: One, teens are wired to seek other teens out. This is to prepare them and to develop the skills they need to eventu-

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