At the Pre-Departure Lounge
When one’s age is in the late 60’s, one begins to see old friends more in wakes than in baptisms or weddings. Conversations revolve on medicines, doctors and their specializations, colleagues battling the big C, new treatments in Singapore or even in China and a variety of diets – no carbs, no meats of four legged animals, only nuts and fruits, etc.
The arrival of a classmate from abroad is an occasion for a round of lunches and dinners and even out of town trips. Much of the banter focus on the “good old days” in college, who dated whom and what happened after, an increasing list of widows and widowers, a one-upmanship on grandchildren (my two year old granddaughter can carry a tune; my four year old grandson can do somersaults, etc.).
During more serious moments, one exchanges thoughts on one’s legacies. The entrepreneurs among us express concern on whether the business empires they have built will survive and prosper. Much talk revolves on the perceived successful transition of the Ayalas and the Chinese taipans. All agree that professional management is the key but there is reluctance to let go of family members who may not be cut for the job. Letting them off on a regular allowance is seen as too costly and may encourage laziness on the part of the successor generation. However, one shudders at the possibility that having them control the business could lead ultimately to bankruptcy.
The professionals among us share that their children seem to want to chart their own careers and bemoan the wasted goodwill that they have built in their professions which they had hoped to pass on to their successors. Yet one senses the pride when they speak of how successful their children have become in their respective fields. They highlight the fact that while the children took their own paths, they carried with them the professional values of excellence and honor.
All are unanimous that the best legacy is not wealth but the values that go with it. An appropriate level of generosity expressed not merely in donations and contributions but in involvement in service activities. A genuine care and concern for those who work in the company and serve the family coupled with expressions of satisfaction when one’s driver who has been with you for decades has his children graduate with college degrees, even in engineering and accountancy. A commitment to the improvement of one’s community through company programs in corporate social responsibility or through individual acts of goodness. One always expresses the hope that the family name will always be kept clean and pure.
Get-togethers are occasions to give and receive advice. One says that at our age it is time to stop acquisitions and start liquidating. Another friend shares a new term – syking or “spend your kid’s inheritance” not necessarily on oneself but also on your children. Bringing the whole family on vacations and staying at six star hotels and traveling business class will give memories that your children will cherish when one has gone. Your children and grandchildren will remember with gratitude the fun they had with you as opposed to them enjoying the wealth you have left them but having no recollection of happy times together. They may even think more of how stingy you were as they were growing up and when you were in your old age.
Reaching the pre-departure lounge gives one the luxury of recalling the past, sharing the present with family and friends and ensuring that the future will have them and your community look kindly at you and your life. I have always been touched by a saying I came across – your life is God’s gift to you; what you do with it is your gift to God. “
melito.jr@gmail.com