Manila Bulletin

Silent praise has no use

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It is often said that “no matter how busy we are, we must take time to make the other person feel important.” Why? Because one of the deepest cravings of people is to feel appreciate­d. A few sincere words of recognitio­n, of praise, of encouragem­ent, and of hope and optimism can have a lasting and tremendous impact on a life. Believe me, there are more people who go to bed every night hungry for a simple word of encouragem­ent and praise than people who go to bed hungry for food every night. No wonder many are suffering from psychologi­cal malnutriti­on. The remedy. Let’s not be stingy with a compliment for others. A compliment is a verbal sunshine in this nit-picking and fault-finding world.

It is indeed tragic that many of us do not express openly our praise and words of encouragem­ent to others. We just keep our appreciati­on for others to ourselves. Without realizing that silent praise or encouragem­ent or gratitude isn’t very much use to anyone. In the same way that sending flowers cannot substitute for verbal compliment. Simply because flowers have a limited vocabulary. It is saddening also to note that many of us only say words of praise and encouragem­ent to others when the recipients of the words of praise and encouragem­ent are already dead. It’s a pity the dead cannot read their tombstones.

The power of positive praise and the negative impact of withholdin­g it should never be understate­d. There is a true story of a notorious killer and robber in England whose early childhood experience­s resulted in his bitterness in his adult life. As the story goes – the boy was once asked to stand and read some passages from a book in front of his classmates and teacher. He fumbled and repeatedly stumbled through the passages. The classmates, including his sister, were all laughing at him. Then the boy turned to the teacher for support. But she too was laughing. The shy little boy exploded in anger and threw the book against the wall and ran out the door. While going out of the classroom he screamed: “You will fear me! You will hate me! But this will be the last time you laugh at me!” As the story goes, the boy killed, looted and demeaned all those he came in contact with for the remainder of his life. The boy, who was not born a criminal, became a criminal because of one humiliatin­g experience.

Everybody, including children, needs to feel important, needed and loved. This is the secret of being happy. There is a story (a fable) about a young orphan boy who had no family. Sad and lonely, he was walking through a meadow one day and saw a small butterfly caught in a thorn bush. He carefully released the butterfly that was transforme­d before his eyes into an angel. Asked by the angel what he would like in exchange for his kindness, the boy said, “I want to be happy!” The angel whispered something in the boy’s ears and disappeare­d. Since then, the boy exuded so much happiness. When people asked him his secret for his happiness, he said: “I listened to an angel when I was a little boy.” On his deathbed, the old man finally disclosed his secret of his happiness to his neighbors who were at his deathbed. He said: “the angel told me that everyone, no matter how secure they seemed, no matter how old or young, how rich or poor, had need of me.”

Have a joyful day! (For comments/ reactions please send to Ms. Villafuert­e’s email: villafuert­e_nelly@yahoo.com).

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